John and Emily slept in a pink hammock

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

John and Emily slept in a pink hammock on the beach, the gentle murmur of the lake crooning them a lullaby. The dawn chorus from the jungle behind woke John. He caressed her hair, watching the rising sun illuminate her snow white, immaculate skin. He began to run his fingers down her back as if he was touching a handmade carpet.

 

[Yankee]

Yeah, and then what? :shock:

 

[alpacinou]

Yeah, and then what? :shock:

Is all of it really correct?

I don't know what happens next yet. I am practicing. It has a happy ending.

 

[Yankee]

Is all of it really correct? Yes.

I don't know what happens next yet. I am practicing. It has a happy ending.

Y.

 

[Tarheel]

Is this correct and natural?

John and Emily slept in a pink hammock on the beach, the gentle murmur of the lake crooning them a lullaby. The dawn chorus from the jungle behind woke John. He caressed her hair, watching the rising sun illuminate her snow white, immaculate skin. He sensuously ran his fingers down her back.

A carpet doesn't have feelings and can't respond to your touch. So I wouldn't use that phrase.

You can replace sensuously with slowly or lovingly.