Page 3 of 4 First 1 2 3 4 Last
Results 21 to 30 of 32
  1. #21
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,141

    Re: Where the things stuck?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Of course! But in my humble opinion you should attain fluency before you set your sights on eloquence. (You have to walk before you can run.)
    Exactly! Does that make sense, Eco? First, learn to express yourself correctly. Your English can't be eloquent if it's not fluent. Fluency must come first.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  2. #22
    Economist2010's Avatar
    Economist2010 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Egypt
      • Current Location:
      • Egypt
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    187

    Re: Where the things stuck?

    I am not in full agreement with what you said guys. If the email is going to be sent to a CEO who have hundreds of emails on a daily basis to answer, you should make your e-mail eloquent and impressive so that he can pay attention to it and read it all.

    As you can see, there no major mistakes in my e-mail but I am here to seek your support in editing my e-mail in a way that makes it eloquent. This how I can get my English to improve.

  3. #23
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,141

    Re: Where the things stuck?

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist2010 View Post
    I am not in full agreement with what you said, guys.

    You have a group of fluent English speakers here giving you advice. Most of us also have a lot of experience with the job market. None of us has anything to gain by giving you bad advice.

    Do you really think we're all wrong?


    If the email is going to be sent to a CEO who has hundreds of emails on a daily basis to answer, you should make your e-mail eloquent and impressive so that he or she will pay attention to it and read it all.

    None of us said there's anything wrong with eloquence. Eloquence is a wonderful thing. Reread our comments.


    As you can see, there are no major mistakes in my e-mail, but I am here to seek your support in editing my e-mail in a way that makes it eloquent. This how I can get my English to improve.
    You make lots of mistakes. Some are major. You made seven mistakes in this one post. Saying have instead of has is a major imstake. So is leaving out the verb are. Those major mistakes show that your English is not fluent yet. Likewise, poor word choice (like impressive) shows that you are not fluent.

    Say less. The more you say, the more mistakes you'll make. We advise ALL students, including native speakers, to keep it simple.

    We're on your side. English is a difficult language.
    Last edited by Charlie Bernstein; 18-Mar-2021 at 19:01.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  4. #24
    Economist2010's Avatar
    Economist2010 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Egypt
      • Current Location:
      • Egypt
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    187

    Re: Where the things stuck?

    I would appreciate it Charlie if you could re-write the last version of my email in your own way as you recently did with the earlier version of my e-mail.

  5. #25
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,141

    Re: Where the things stuck?

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist2010 View Post
    I would appreciate it Charlie if you could re-write the last version of my email in your own way as you recently did with the earlier version of my e-mail.
    It's in post #10.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  6. #26
    Economist2010's Avatar
    Economist2010 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Egypt
      • Current Location:
      • Egypt
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    187

    Re: Where the things stuck?

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    It's in post #10.
    In post #10 is my original email on which I appreciate your support.

  7. #27
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,141

    Re: Where the things stuck?

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist2010 View Post
    In post #10 is my original email. on which I appreciate your edits.
    Yes. Do you see all the changes I made? They're in red.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  8. #28
    Economist2010's Avatar
    Economist2010 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Egypt
      • Current Location:
      • Egypt
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    187

    Re: Where the things stuck?

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    Yes. Do you see all the changes I made? They're in red.
    No, I can't see it. I see the second version of my email in post #10.

    I mean the below version:

    "I was and am still grateful of your enthusiasm for me as a candidate, in treating my application, and in each of your positive reply to my follow up e-mails. This something I appreciate and I wish to be exist until you have me on board.

    I am with HR that locals have the highest priority but since you mentioned that you plan to beef the team up, and since you postponed your decision in my application until you see what will happen after a few weeks, I believe that your decision and ongoing support are still needed to align with HR to get an exception for me to join the team as an expat."

  9. #29
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,141

    Re: Where the things stuck?

    That's odd. Here are the changes in post #10:

    Hi Karen,

    I have made some tweaks to the draft of my email to be more professional and to be acceptable to the CEO.

    I really appreciate your help in editing it.

    "I was and am still grateful for your enthusiasm for me as a candidate, in treating my application, and in each of and for your positive replies to my follow up e-mails. This something I appreciate and I wish to be exist until you have me on board.

    Don't assume you'll get the job. That would make you sound like you're not listening.


    I am with HR that know that locals have the highest priority, but since you mentioned that you plan to beef the team up, and since you postponed your decision in my application until you and see what will happens over the next few weeks, I apprediate your keeping me in mind.believe that your decision and ongoing support are still needed to align with HR to get an exception for me to join the team as an expat."
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  10. #30
    Economist2010's Avatar
    Economist2010 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Egypt
      • Current Location:
      • Egypt
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    187

    Re: Where the things stuck?

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    That's odd. Here are the changes in post #10:

    Hi Karen,

    I have made some tweaks to the draft of my email to be more professional and to be acceptable to the CEO.

    I really appreciate your help in editing it.

    "I was and am still grateful for your enthusiasm for me as a candidate, in treating my application, and in each of and for your positive replies to my follow up e-mails. This something I appreciate and I wish to be exist until you have me on board.

    Don't assume you'll get the job. That would make you sound like you're not listening.


    I am with HR that know that locals have the highest priority, but since you mentioned that you plan to beef the team up, and since you postponed your decision in my application until you and see what will happens over the next few weeks, I apprediate your keeping me in mind.believe that your decision and ongoing support are still needed to align with HR to get an exception for me to join the team as an expat."
    Thanks Charlie. I didn't mean that. I wanted you to rewrite it totally in your own way not to just correct the errors.

    I would really appreciate it if you rewrite the full email without removing any part of it. Just for my learning.
    Last edited by Economist2010; 19-Mar-2021 at 10:29.

Page 3 of 4 First 1 2 3 4 Last

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •