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  1. #31
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Where the things stuck?

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist2010 View Post
    Iyou should make your e-mail eloquent and impressive so that he can pay attention to it and read it all
    But you shouldn't have a narrow view of what impresses people.

  2. #32
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Where the things stuck?

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist2010 View Post
    Thanks Charlie. I didn't mean that. I wanted you to rewrite it totally in your own way not to just correct the errors.

    I would really appreciate it if you rewrite the full email without removing any part of it. Just for my learning.
    I removed parts of it for reasons:

    - The phrase "am with HR" doesn't make sense.

    - The phrase "since you postponed your decision in my application until you" is wordy and not needed.

    - The phrase that begins "believe that your decision and ongong support are still needed . . . ." has two problems:

    1. He knows that.

    2. He has a human resources department so that he doesn't have to deal with job applicants, including you. So it's better to respect that and not to mention human resources. Your letter should simply (a) thank him for his encouragement and (b) let him know that you still want there.

    Others here might have different opinions. Those are mine, and that's what I gave you in the corrected version. I'm happy to make corrections, but I don't write letters or papers for students. That wouldn't teach you anything, right?

    And an oops: I misspelled appreciate in the letter's last line.
    Last edited by Charlie Bernstein; 20-Mar-2021 at 20:24.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

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