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  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Patrick felt waves of pain

    Is this correct and natural?

    Patrick felt waves of pain sweeping up and down his body as if all the bones in it were shattered. He drank five cups of black coffee, hoping the pain would subside. He felt like the sickly painted walls were crumbling on his head. Maybe they could end his agony. He decided to go to the roof to get some fresh air. The door of the roof had been drained of color under the relentless tropical sun. It appeared to have been a pale green in its heyday. Opening the door, Patrick stepped out onto the roof, picking up the smell of heroin. Nearby, a broken man was getting pointlessly high. He looked at the neighborhood, a dense forest of brick buildings stuffing the disorderly alleys. He looked up, seeing the wind blow apart the clouds and opening the sky to the stoic July sun.

  2. #2
    Tdol is online now Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Patrick felt waves of pain

    How about the roof door?

  3. #3
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Patrick felt waves of pain

    I like "stoic July sun."
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  4. #4
    Tdol is online now Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Patrick felt waves of pain

    Is the pain waves? I Have something that causes a lot of pain and will do for months- the pain is constant rather than waves. I'd love waves of pain for the gaps.

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