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  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    ...emotions were mixed...

    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    In the end, Jingying did what she normally did. She came right out and said what was on her mind. “Gan, I’m pregnant.”

    Gan just stopped, looked at her, and, seeing that she was serious, he smiled. “Well, that is unexpected. It’s not even my birthday”. Gan took her by the hand and pulled her to him, hugging her. No words were spoken, nor were any needed.

    Several weeks later, the forest thinned and was gone. Before them was a sandy plain beyond which was a mountain range. Gan stopped and took in the view.Jingying was by his side holding his hand. “We’re home Gan, I wonder what we’ll find.”

    Gan’s emotions were mixed. He wasn’t sure how he felt. “Father's plan was to destroy the city. I don’t know what to expect. It’s been so long though, my guess is that there's nothing left. Come on, let’s keep going. We should be able to make it to the cave before dark.”
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. #2
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: ...emotions were mixed...

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    In the end, Jingying did what she normally did. She came right out and said what was on her mind. “Gan, I’m pregnant.”

    Gan just stopped, looked at her, and, seeing that she was serious, he smiled. “Well, that is unexpected. It’s not even my birthday”. Gan took her by the hand and pulled her to him, hugging her. No words were spoken, nor were any needed.

    Several weeks later, the forest thinned and was gone. Before them was a sandy plain beyond which was a mountain range. Gan stopped and took in the view. [space] Jingying was by his side holding his hand. “We’re home Gan. I wonder what we’ll find.”

    Gan’s emotions were mixed. He wasn’t sure how he felt. “Father's plan was to destroy the city. I don’t know what to expect. It’s been so long though, my guess is that there's nothing left. Come on, let’s keep going. We should be able to make it to the cave before dark.”
    Technically, your comma after and in the second sentence was correct. But it's customary not to have commas immediately on both sides of conjuctions.

    I think it's just because it looks better. And since dropping the second comma never causes confusion, it works.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  3. #3
    TheParser is offline VIP Member
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    Re: ...emotions were mixed...

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post

    Gan just stopped, looked at her, and, seeing that she was serious, he smiled.
    NOT A TEACHER

    I may be wrong, of course, but I think that sentence needs reworking.

    I would be more comfortable with something like: "Gan just stopped, looked at her, and -- seeing that she was serious -- smiled."

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: ...emotions were mixed...

    How about there will be nothing left?

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