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  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    ...get that cheekiness...

    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ***********************************************
    Yang looked from Rui to Meili and back. “Where did she get that cheekiness from? Surely you didn’t include it as part of her programming?”
    Meili jumped in. “I picked it up from you two, it’s an anomalous family trait.”
    Rui said, “It seems to be your fault, father.”
    Gan said, “Yep, I get it, but ‘anomalous’ she got from you.”

    After descending the mountain and returning to the cave, Gan let everyone know that they’d be leaving early tomorrow morning.
    Jingying said, “Are you sure that’s what you want to do, honey?”
    Gan replied, “No, it’s not, but I realised that if I found my father alive, as I hoped, that I’d be hard-pressed to leave him behind a second time, and staying is not an option. I’d miss the kids too much.”
    Jingying nodded her head knowingly. “So you solved a dilemma by introducing a third unacceptable variable, creating a trilemma that could only be solved by adhering to the premise that you can’t leave your kids.”
    Gan smiled. “Yep, you get it, but is ‘trilemma’ a real word?”
    Jingying said, “You don’t think I’d make it up, do you?”
    Gan just smiled and hugged her tighter.


    Last edited by rodgers white; 26-Mar-2021 at 11:43.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: ...get that cheekiness...

    I'd move the punctuation inside the inverted commas/speech marks. Otherwise, I think it's rather lovely writing.

  3. #3
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Re: ...get that cheekiness...

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    I'd move the punctuation inside the inverted commas/speech marks. Otherwise, I think it's rather lovely writing.
    Thank you, Tdol. I moved those punctuation inside.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  4. #4
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: ...get that cheekiness...

    I'd say:

    Gam let everyone know they'd be leaving early the next morning.
    Not a professional teacher

  5. #5
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is online now VIP Member
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    Re: ...get that cheekiness...

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ***********************************************
    Yang looked from Rui to Meili and back. “Where did she get that cheekiness from? Surely you didn’t include it as part of her programming?”
    Meili jumped in. “I picked it up from you two. It’s an anomalous family trait.”
    Rui said, “It seems to be your fault, Father.”
    Gan said, “Yep, I get it, but ‘anomalous’ she got from you.”

    After descending the mountain and returning to the cave, Gan let everyone know that they’d be leaving early tomorrow morning.

    Jingying said, “Are you sure that’s what you want to do, honey?”

    Gan replied, “No, it’s not, but I realised that if I found my father alive, as I hoped, that I’d be hard-pressed to leave him behind a second time, and staying is not an option. I’d miss the kids too much.”

    Jingying nodded her head knowingly. “So you solved a dilemma by introducing a third unacceptable variable, creating a trilemma that could only be solved by adhering to the premise that you can’t leave your kids.”

    Gan smiled. “Yep, you get it, but is ‘trilemma’ a real word?”

    Jingying said, “You don’t think I’d make it up, do you?”

    Gan just smiled and hugged her tighter.
    I like trilemma.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

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