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  1. #11
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    PS -

    Hey, I have two ideas that will help us help you.

    1. When you post your text, tell us more about the job you're applying for and the person you're writing to. We love details!

    A letter to someone you know is different than one to someone you don't. A letter to a bank is different than one to a video game company. A letter to an American is different than one to a Brit.

    2. Pay closer attention when we suggest you change a word. Job and role are different. Figures and numbers are different. Joining and working for are different. Eloquent and persuasive are different.*

    If you learn from our suggestions, that will help you get a job.

    ------------------

    *Here's the difference between eloquent and persuasive: An ancient Greek heard two senators make speeches. He wrote: "When Aeschines spoke, they said, 'How well he speaks', but when Demothsenes spoke, they said, 'Let us march against Philip.'"

    That story was told by David Ogilvy, one of the most celebrated marketing professionals of all time. If you want a job, don't be an eloquent Aeschines. Be a persuasive Demothsenes.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 28-Mar-2021 at 11:19. Reason: Fixed typo
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  2. #12
    probus's Avatar
    probus is offline Moderator
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    PS -]

    An ancient Greek heard two senators make speeches.
    That's excellent advice Charlie and I agree with all of it. This is just a little quibble. The Senate was invented by the Romans. The ancient Greeks had no such institution. In the city-state of Athens they attempted "direct democracy" in which there were no elected representatives but all citizens could vote on important matters.
    Last edited by probus; 28-Mar-2021 at 20:03.

  3. #13
    Economist2010's Avatar
    Economist2010 is offline Member
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    I liked all of your feedback and advice.

    As an Arabic native speaker, I believe that you can say what you want in a tactful way. For example, I can tell off Mr. Farid but tactfully in a way he couldn't hold anything against me . I already made that in my original text when I said "Mr. Farid has a different point of view" by this way I said what I want tactfully and the CEO himself will not see that I am criticising Mr. Farid.

    I hope that you got my idea and that you can edit my original text using this way.

  4. #14
    probus's Avatar
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    We've already had our say and given you our advice Economist2010.

  5. #15
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist2010 View Post
    I liked all of your feedback and advice.

    As an Arabic a native Arabic speaker, I believe that you can say what you want in a tactful way. For example, I can tell off Mr. Farid but tactfully and in such a way that he couldn't hold anything against me.

    I already made did that in my original text when I said "Mr. Farid has a different point of view". By this way using that phrase, I said what I want tactfully and the ex-CEO himself will not see realise that I am criticising Mr. Farid.

    I hope that you got understand my idea and that you can edit my original text using this way with it in mind.
    Note my corrections above. Yet again, you failed to refer to the recipient of your email as the ex-CEO of the bank. You are clearly learning absolutely nothing from our responses. Perhaps you're right that you can be tactful and insult people without anyone noticing in Arabic but you keep telling us that you must correspond with all these companies in English. You will have to believe us when we say that the contents of most of your letters/emails in English have very clearly been insulting to various departments and individuals of several companies. There is nothing we can do to your texts if you insist on being so belligerent and constantly telling companies and individuals that they've made a bad decision by not hiring you, or that their HR department is a disaster.

    You've been told this many times and I'll tell you one last time: If you're offered a job, great. Accept it (if you want to) and turn it down (if you decide you don't want it). Move on to the next job application. If you're not offered a job, at the most send them a brief message thanking them for the opportunity to interview for them, and asking for feedback that might be useful for future job applications with other companies.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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