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  1. #1
    Economist2010's Avatar
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    Post Consultation Needed

    I appreciate your help in proofreading the below e-mail.


    "I am writing to show how grateful I am, for supporting my earlier candidature of joining the bank but unfortunately there was a misfortune and it ends up with me not joining the bank. I am also writing to you to get your consultation on how to sort out the misfortune that happened and make it work to join the bank, since you used to be the CEO, you know everything inside out and I am sure that you will help me out with the right consultation.

    All the people I made interviews with were enthusiastic for me and everything was going well until Mr. Farid entered the matter. He had a different point of views and concern of why I am putting you as a CEO in the loop and he said that this way doesn't work with him which complicated the matter further. He also think that I am exaggerating in the numbers of my achievements.

    We all believe that experience is the best proof accordingly I need to be given the room to prove what is being considered exaggerating can be done in reality and to make another success story of trible the figures within three month time and if this has not been achieved, with all pleasure, I will resign.


    I need your opinion whom I should approach to bring my talent into the bank and who gives me the full support until I make a turnaround success story."

  2. #2
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist2010 View Post
    I would appreciate your help in proofreading the below e-mail.



    "I am writing to show how grateful I am, for supporting my earlier candidature of joining the bank but unfortunately there was a misfortune and it ends up with me not joining the bank. I am also writing to you to get your consultation on how to sort out the misfortune that happened and make it work to join the bank, since you used to be the CEO, you know everything inside out and I am sure that you will help me out with the right consultation.

    All the people I had interviews with were enthusiastic for me and everything was going well until Mr. Farid entered the picture. He had a different point of view and concern of why I am involving you as a CEO in the loop and he said that this way doesn't work with him which complicated the matter further. He also think that I have been exaggerating my achievements.

    We all believe that experience is the best proof. Accordingly I need to be given the room to prove what is being considered exaggerating can be done in reality and to make another success story of treble the figures within three month time and if this has not been achieved, with all pleasure, I will resign.


    I need your opinion whom I should approach to bring my talent into the bank and who gives me the full support until I make a turnaround success story."
    As usual, you use too many words.

    There is more to be said, but I am hungry and need to eat breakfast.


    (Apparently, you have already talked to the right people. You just don't like the result.)

    Is the bank in trouble? (You seem to regard yourself as their savior.)
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  3. #3
    probus's Avatar
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    You seem to have very little insight into the psyche of bankers. In my (extensive) experience bankers tend to be extremely conservative and risk-averse. Extravagant promises of spectacular returns will not impress them. On the contrary, such claims may well disqualify your application. I strongly advise you not to send that letter or anything even remotely like it.
    Last edited by probus; 26-Mar-2021 at 16:35.

  4. #4
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    We now know that this person you've been referring to as the CEO is the former CEO. (There's a big difference.)

    Use the subject line to tell people what the email is about. (It saves time.)
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  5. #5
    Economist2010's Avatar
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    We now know that this person you've been referring to as the CEO is the former CEO. (There's a big difference.)

    Use the subject line to tell people what the email is about. (It saves time.)
    Yes, he is a former CEO who used to support my application.

    Hope that answers your questions and Probus' concerns.

  6. #6
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    If he was the current CEO and wanted to hire you there is no question that he could make it happen.

    You use very formal language. Apparently, you hardly know this person at all.

    I would simply say, "Thank you for all the help. I very much appreciate everything you have done for me."

    It's a job. There are other jobs. If they don't want to hire you you can't make them do it.

    You always want to avoid sounding desperate. (Making wild promises will give that impression.)
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  7. #7
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    If he was the current CEO and wanted to hire you there is no question that he could make it happen.

    You use very formal language. Apparently, you hardly know this person at all.

    I would simply say, "Thank you for all the help. I very much appreciate everything you have done for me."

    It's a job. There are other jobs. If they don't want to hire you you can't make them do it.

    You always want to avoid sounding desperate. (Making wild promises will give that impression.)
    Eco, this is EXACTLY right.

    Say that and nothing else. As we've said before, you should simply be thanking him.

    Mr. Farid is also exactly right. Asking the former CEO to pitch for you shows bad judgement. It's fine to use a past CEO as a reference, but asking him to intercede insults Mr. Farid. It also means that you would go behind his back if you worked for him. He only wants to hire people he can trust.

    Likewise, promising to triple their numbers also makes you sound wildly unsuited for the job. From their point of view, it just means you want a free ride for three months.

    That is why I have been asking you (for weeks!) what your relationship is to the former CEO (who you said is the CEO now). And you have not been answering that simple question. I asked because your approach would only make sense if the current CEO is very close to you — maybe a mentor, a relative, an old boss, or an old friend of the family

    Why did you say he's the CEO now? If you mislead us, our advice won't help you. We're like Mr. Farid. We want to work with people who are trustworthy.

    Let go of this job. You have already been turned down. Pestering people will hurt your reputation when you apply for jobs elsewhere. Bankers talk to each other.
    Last edited by Charlie Bernstein; 27-Mar-2021 at 16:58.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  8. #8
    Economist2010's Avatar
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    Eco, this is EXACTLY right.

    Say that and nothing else. As we've said before, you should simply be thanking him.

    Mr. Farid is also exactly right. Asking the former CEO to pitch for you shows bad judgement. It's fine to use a past CEO as a reference, but asking him to intercede insults Mr. Farid. It also means that you would go behind his back if you worked for him. He only wants to hire people he can trust.

    Likewise, promising to triple their numbers also makes you sound wildly unsuited for the job. From their point of view, it just means you want a free ride for three months.

    That is why I have been asking you (for weeks!) what your relationship is to the former CEO (who you said is the CEO now). And you have not been answering that simple question. I asked because your approach would only make sense if the current CEO is very close to you — maybe a mentor, a relative, an old boss, or an old friend of the family

    Why did you say he's the CEO now? You need to be honest with us if you want helpful advice. We're like Mr. Farid. We want to work with people who are trustworthy.

    Let go of this job. You have already been turned down. Pestering people will hurt your reputation when you apply for jobs elsewhere. Bankers talk to each other.
    Thanks for your feedback.

    I would like to highlight that I already answered in post #5 the question if he is currently the CEO or not. I said he is the former CEO. Accordingly, there is no issue with honesty, you might didn't pay attention to my answer in post #5.

    There is no relation between us but when he was a CEO he gave me the full support to join the bank.

    I believe I should highlight that this is another case that is totally different than my earlier e-mails. They were to a CEO but not the one for the bank.

    Once again, thanks for your feedback ��.

  9. #9
    5jj's Avatar
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist2010 View Post
    when he was a CEO he gave me the full support to join the bank.
    But he's gone now as, I fear are your chances of your being employed by the current management team. Accept it and look elsewhere.
    Last edited by 5jj; 27-Mar-2021 at 21:08.

  10. #10
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    Re: Consultation Needed

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist2010 View Post
    Thanks for your feedback.

    I would like to highlight that I already answered in post #5 the question if he is currently the CEO or not. I said he is the former CEO. Accordingly, there is no issue with honesty, you might didn't pay attention to my answer in post #5.

    I'm not talking about his thread. I'm talking about all the past threads. You have always called him the CEO. But he's not. He used to be.


    There is no relation between us but when he was a CEO he gave me the full support to join the bank.

    Yes, but since he's not there anymore, hiring isn't his decision. You're trying go around the hiring process. This is frowned on. In American football, it's called doing an end run.


    I believe I should highlight that this is another case that is totally different than my earlier e-mails. They were to a CEO but not the one for the bank.

    Oh! Are you applying at more than one bank? It looked like you're still asking the same bank CEO for help. Either way, It's not a good idea to ask a current or former CEO to step in on a hiring decision. It will make you look very bad to the person doing the hiring. We've said that before. You should deal directly with the person doing the hiring and no one else.

    The only exception, as I said above, is if the CEO is someone very close to you personally — a relation, a friend, whatever.


    Once again, thanks for your feedback ��.
    Eco, do you understand our frustration? The problems are not just grammar and spelling errors. Business letters also need to project professionalism and integrity.

    If you like, we can just straighten out the noose and let you hang yourself. Would that be better?
    Last edited by Charlie Bernstein; 27-Mar-2021 at 19:16.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

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