[Essay] An Email for a professor

[Venus_hsv]

Hey guys,
That would be so generous of you guys if you help me to send an effective email to professors, my goal universities are Yale and UCLA
Also, I need an interesting subject for email

" Dr. XXXX,
I am in my third year of Bachelor of Medical Laboratory Science at the XXX University of Medical Science in Iran, I am applying to the MS in Immunology program, and I am very interested in your work. After glancing at a few of your recent papers and your research summary I find your work with autoimmune and inflammatory diseases very interesting. Will you be taking on new students next year? If I am invited to interview, is there any way you will be able to meet with me? As a determined student, I would like to prove my strength by having a presentation of any article that you recommend.
I have an excellent medical education and an extensive training in laboratory tests. My aim is to gain comprehensive and in-depth training in fundamental and clinical immunology from world’s leading immunologists at the University of Harvard as well as to have hands-on experience on research in cancer immunotherapy. This education will enable me to work innovatively on research in cancer immunotherapy for my doctoral. Therefore, this Master’s program is an important step for my ambition to be an excellent scientist and entrepreneur in cancer immunotherapy.
I have read several research projects as an undergraduate in rheumatoid arthritis and cancer. Also, currently, I’m trying to prepare a review with this main title: The role of NK cells in autoimmune diseases which contains disease like MS, Rheumatoid arthritis, Primary Sjogren Syndrome, Systemic lupus erythematosus, and type I diabetes.
Please find my CV attached.
Thank you for your time, looking forwards to your reply

 

[emsr2d2]

Hey. [STRIKE]guys,[/STRIKE] We are not all men here.

[STRIKE]That[/STRIKE] It would be [STRIKE]so[/STRIKE] very generous of you [STRIKE]guys[/STRIKE] if you could help me to [STRIKE]send[/STRIKE] write an effective email to some professors. My goal universities are Yale and UCLA.

Also, I need an interesting [STRIKE]subject[/STRIKE] title (or "subject line") for my email.

"Dear Dr. XXXX,

I am in my third year of my/a Bachelor of Medical Laboratory Science at the XXX University of Medical Science in Iran. I am applying to the MS in Immunology program, and I am very interested in your work. [STRIKE]After glancing at[/STRIKE] I have read a few of your recent papers and your research summary, and I find your work with autoimmune and inflammatory diseases very interesting. [strike]Will[/strike] I would like to know if you will be taking on new students next year. If so, and if I am invited to interview, [STRIKE]is there any way[/STRIKE] would you [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] be [STRIKE]able[/STRIKE] willing to meet with me? [STRIKE]As a determined student,[/STRIKE] I would like to [STRIKE]prove[/STRIKE] demonstrate my strengths by [STRIKE]having[/STRIKE] delivering a presentation [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] on any article that you recommend.

I have an excellent medical education and [STRIKE]an[/STRIKE] extensive training in laboratory tests. My aim is to gain comprehensive and in-depth training in fundamental and clinical immunology from the world’s leading immunologists at the University of Harvard as well as to have hands-on experience [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] in/on/with research in cancer immunotherapy. This [STRIKE]education[/STRIKE] will enable me to work innovatively on research in cancer immunotherapy for my doctoral. [STRIKE]Therefore,[/STRIKE] This Master’s program is an important step [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] towards achieving my [STRIKE]ambition to be[/STRIKE] goal of becoming an excellent scientist and entrepreneur in cancer immunotherapy.

As an undergraduate, I have read several research projects [STRIKE]as an undergraduate[/STRIKE] in rheumatoid arthritis and cancer. Also, [STRIKE]currently,[/STRIKE] I’m currently [STRIKE]trying to[/STRIKE] preparing a review [STRIKE]with this main title:[/STRIKE] titled "The Role of NK Cells in Autoimmune Diseases". [STRIKE]which contains[/STRIKE] This includes diseases like MS, rheumatoid arthritis, primary Sjogren's syndrome, systemic lupus erythematosus, and type I diabetes.

Please find my CV attached.

Thank you for your time. I [STRIKE]looking[/STRIKE] look [STRIKE]forwards[/STRIKE] forward to your reply.

See above.

I'm not convinced that "entrepreneur" is the word you need.

 

[Venus_hsv]

Yeah true, I was just trying to...idk... cause I should show them that I am gonna be useful :roll: for both my application and visa
Thank you so so so much *_* idk how to thank you but I'll wish the best for your life

 

[Venus_hsv]

Also, when I said "guys" I meant everyone
I don't know but you telling me whenever I'm gonna say "hey guys" it means that I'm saying hi only to men? Men can also refer to human. right?

 

[emsr2d2]

[STRIKE]Yeah[/STRIKE] Yes, that's true. I was just trying to [STRIKE]...idk... cause I should[/STRIKE] show them that I am [STRIKE]gonna[/STRIKE] going to be useful, which will help with [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] both my application and my visa.

Thank you so, so, so much.

[STRIKE]*_*[/STRIKE] Don't try to make your own emoticons.

[STRIKE]idk[/STRIKE] I don't know how to thank you but I'll wish the best for your life.

Note my corrections above. We discourage the use of all non-standard English on the forum: yeah/gonna/idk. You must remember to end every sentence with an appropriate punctuation mark. You have a habit of omitting full stops.

Have you come up with an alternative to "entrepreneur" yet?

 

[emsr2d2]

[STRIKE]Also,[/STRIKE] When I said "guys", I meant everyone.
I don't know but are you telling me that whenever [STRIKE]I'm gonna[/STRIKE] I say "Hey guys", it means that I'm saying hi only to men? "Men" can also [STRIKE]refer to[/STRIKE] mean "humans", right?

Note my corrections above.

Some people will accept the use of "guys" when talking to groups of mixed sexes and some won't. We advise learners to avoid using it unless they're with a group of relatively close friends who will be happy with the term.

 

[Venus_hsv]

No, not yet.
Can you please help me with that?
And I noticed I have so many mistakes in any sentence I type. But I look forward to fix that.