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  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    ...best suited to...

    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ************************************************** ********

    Even during his period of depression, Gan managed to teach Bailian the skills of a hunter, as though nothing bothered him. One might ask why Gan was teaching hunting skills to a prospective Scout. Well, the skills of a hunter are precisely what a scout needs. Their job is to provide the leader of the expedition with information, not to provide whatever might be out there with information. So a scout must be able to move with stealth, not just take a stroll through the forest.

    Bailian was the best student Gan had ever had, even better than his son, Yang. Bailian did not just listen to every word, every instruction. She visualised them. The one problem she had was that she was capable of moving very fast and very silently. The silent was always OK, but the fast was not.

    Gan explained. “Bai, you are very skilful and have learned to apply your skills quite well but you need to learn when speed is the best choice over stealth. When you run and skip through the forest, most people can’t detect you. I can, and others can too, but even if we can’t, birds and other animals can, and they may give you and your position away. You must learn to choose the action best suited to each moment.”

    Bailian, a little humbled, replied, “Thank you for your honest appraisal, Teacher. I will do my best to follow your advice.”

    Gan smiled. “You are a good student, Bailian. But please, just call me Uncle or Uncle Gan. No need to be so formal.”

    Bailian replied, “Thank you, Tea... Uncle Gan.”
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. #2
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: ...best suited to...

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ************************************************** ********

    Even during his period of depression, Gan managed to teach Bailian the skills of a hunter, as though nothing bothered him. One might ask why Gan was teaching hunting skills to a prospective Scout. Well, the skills of a hunter are precisely what a scout needs. Their job is to provide the leader of the expedition with information, not to provide whatever might be out there with information. So a scout must be able to move with stealth, not just take a stroll through the forest.

    Bailian was the best student Gan had ever had, even better than his son, Yang. Bailian did not just listen to every word, every instruction. She visualised them. The one problem she had was that she was capable of moving very fast and very silently. The silent was always OK, but the fast was not.

    Gan explained. “Bai, you are very skilful and have learned to apply your skills quite well, but you need to learn when speed is the better choice over stealth. When you run and skip through the forest, most people can’t detect you. I can, and others can too, but even if we can’t, birds and other animals can, and they may give you and your position away. You must learn to choose the action best suited to each moment.”

    Bailian, a little humbled, replied, “Thank you for your honest appraisal, Teacher. I will do my best to follow your advice.”

    Gan smiled. “You are a good student, Bailian. But please, just call me Uncle or Uncle Gan. No need to be so formal.”

    Bailian replied, “Thank you, Tea... Uncle Gan.”
    Use better or worse when comparing two things (like speed and stealth). Use best or worst when comparing more than two (like speed, stealth, and strength):

    - good > better > best

    - bad > worse > worst

    It's good to see that you're writing fewer run-on sentences. Progress!
    Last edited by Charlie Bernstein; 30-Mar-2021 at 14:54.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  3. #3
    TheParser is offline VIP Member
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    Re: ...best suited to...

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post

    Bailian did not just listen to every word, every instruction. She visualised them. The one problem she had was that she was capable of moving very fast and very silently. The silent was always OK, but the fast was not.

    NOT A TEACHER

    Hi,

    1. I am not comfortable with the word "instruction." I would prefer something like: "Bailian did not just listen to every word and every command."

    2. I would change the last sentence to something like: "The silence was OK, but the speed was not."

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