Page 1 of 2 1 2 Last
Results 1 to 10 of 12
  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2,838

    Patrick opened the door and walked inside

    Is this correct and natural?

    Patrick opened the door and walked inside the villa screened by tall trees. He walked past the lush trees to see a vast expanse of barren land to the east of the villa. The soil was cracked and it looked like it'd been plowed a long time ago, dry furrows running vertically along its length. Patrick sat by one of the furrows, enjoying the sun on his skin. A black insect was crawling in the furrow, its feelers moving. Patrick heard an engine come to life in the distant and a few minutes later saw water flowing slowly alongside the channels, shimmering in the sun. The black insect was taken by the water, trying to keep itself afloat, flailing helplessly. After a few minutes, it succumbed to water, plunging in the small stream.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    60,287

    Re: Patrick opened the door and walked inside

    He entered the villa and walked past lush trees? I don't understand. Who has lush trees growing inside their villa?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. #3
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2,838

    Re: Patrick opened the door and walked inside

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    He entered the villa and walked past lush trees? I don't understand. Who has lush trees growing inside their villa?
    In my language, we call the entire area and the garden a villa.

    Longman says this:

    https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/villa
    a big house in the country with a large garden

    But you are right, in English it doesn't work. So, do I say entered the villa's yard?

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    60,287

    Re: Patrick opened the door and walked inside

    What's wrong with "garden"?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. #5
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2,838

    Re: Patrick opened the door and walked inside

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    What's wrong with "garden"?

    Okay.

    Is this correct and natural?

    Patrick opened the door and walked inside the garden surrounding the villa. He walked past the lush trees to see a vast expanse of barren land to the east of the villa. The soil was cracked and it looked like it'd been plowed a long time ago, dry furrows running vertically along its length. Patrick sat by one of the furrows, enjoying the sun on his skin. A black insect was crawling in the furrow, its feelers moving. Patrick heard an engine come to life in the distant and a few minutes later saw water flowing slowly alongside the channels, shimmering in the sun. The black insect was taken by the water, trying to keep itself afloat, flailing helplessly. After a few minutes, it succumbed to water, plunging in the small stream.

  6. #6
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    60,287

    Re: Patrick opened the door and walked inside

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Okay.

    Is this correct and natural?

    Patrick opened the door and walked inside into the garden surrounding the villa. He walked past passed the lush trees to see and saw a vast expanse of barren land to the east of the villa. The soil was cracked and it looked like it'd it had been plowed a long time ago, dry furrows running vertically along its length.

    Something's missing here. In the first part, he could only see this expanse of barren land. Suddenly, he's sitting on it!

    Patrick sat by one of the furrows, enjoying the sun on his skin. A black insect was crawling in along the furrow, its feelers moving. Patrick heard an engine come to life in the distance and a few minutes later saw water flowing started flowing slowly alongside the channels, shimmering in the sun. The black insect was taken by the water, trying to keep itself afloat, flailing helplessly. After a few minutes, it succumbed to the water, plunging into the small stream. (What stream? You haven't mentioned there being a stream anywhere.)
    See above. Poor little insect!

    What has the engine got to do with water starting to flow?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  7. #7
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,754

    Re: Patrick opened the door and walked inside

    I think the water was probably flowing in the furrows, not alongside them.
    Not a professional teacher

  8. #8
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2,838

    Re: Patrick opened the door and walked inside

    Okay. Another try:


    Patrick opened the door and walked into the garden surrounding the villa. He passed the lush trees screening the white building and saw a vast expanse of barren land to the east of the villa. The soil was cracked and it looked like it had been plowed a long time ago, dry furrows running vertically along its length.

    Patrick trudged towards one of the furrows, feeling dirt clods crushing beneath his sneakers. He sat by a furrow, enjoying the sun on his skin. A black insect was crawling sluggishly along the furrow, its feelers moving. Patrick heard an engine come to life in the distance, perhaps a diesel water pump, and a few minutes later water started flowing slowly in the channels, shimmering in the sun. The black insect was taken by the water, trying to keep itself afloat, flailing helplessly. After a few minutes, it succumbed to the water, plunging into the rivulet flowing in the furrows.

    I'm not sure if rivulet works. What word can I use?

  9. #9
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,754

    Re: Patrick opened the door and walked inside

    I think "rivulet" is good.
    Not a professional teacher

  10. #10
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2,838

    Re: Patrick opened the door and walked inside

    Is this completely okay?


    Patrick opened the door and walked into the garden surrounding the villa. He passed the lush trees screening the white building and saw a vast expanse of barren land to the east of the villa. The soil was cracked and it looked like it had been plowed a long time ago, dry furrows running vertically along its length.

    Patrick trudged towards one of the furrows, feeling dirt clods crushing beneath his sneakers. He sat by a furrow, enjoying the sun on his skin. A black insect was crawling sluggishly along the furrow, its feelers moving. Patrick heard an engine come to life in the distance, perhaps a diesel water pump, and a few minutes later water started flowing slowly in the channels, shimmering in the sun. The black insect was taken by the water, trying to keep itself afloat, flailing helplessly. After a few minutes, it succumbed to the water, plunging into the rivulet flowing in the furrows.

Page 1 of 2 1 2 Last

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •