Page 1 of 2 1 2 Last
Results 1 to 10 of 19
  1. #1
    Economist2010's Avatar
    Economist2010 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Egypt
      • Current Location:
      • Egypt
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    207

    Post Our Long Call

    Hello all,

    I appreciate your help regarding the below e-mail.

    "In our long call, we agreed on things and we had different point of view regarding other things and it end up without bringing my talent to the bank.

    Although we previously had different point of views, I think now we will agree with each other on what benefits the bank and what makes it progress. It is in your interest that you get the number of the bank doubled, and it is in my interest that I prove myself as a high calibre. And both interests are in interest of the bank.

    In the course of that, I bet that in a record time, I will make a success story for the bank will be written hand in hand by my experience and by your support.

    I am a man of numbers so let the numbers say its word in my case whether or not I am capable or not. This is only made possible by giving me a chance to join the bank, lead a team, and over achieve the targets.

    In the interest of the bank, we should cooperate together and forget any earlier difference in our point of views."

  2. #2
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    7,743

    Re: Our Long Call

    What is the purpose of the letter? If it is meant to be follow-up on your job application which was rejected, I think it is a futile exercise.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  3. #3
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,833

    Re: Our Long Call

    Economist2010, you have a history of ignoring suggestions, corrections, and advice. Why should anybody bother?
    Not a professional teacher

  4. #4
    Economist2010's Avatar
    Economist2010 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Egypt
      • Current Location:
      • Egypt
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    207

    Re: Our Long Call

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    What is the purpose of the letter? If it is meant to be follow-up on your job application which was rejected, I think it is a futile exercise.
    The purpose is to find another way to join this bank and to renew my application once again.

    All management were enthusiastic about me except someone who didn't like that management supports me. Now, I am sending to him to forget any dispute.

  5. #5
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    28,506

    Re: Our Long Call

    There's none so deaf as those who will not hear.

  6. #6
    Economist2010's Avatar
    Economist2010 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Egypt
      • Current Location:
      • Egypt
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    207

    Re: Our Long Call

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Economist2010, you have a history of ignoring suggestions, corrections, and advice. Why should anybody bother?
    No Tarheel, I accept all suggestions but take what is suitable for the case. I am rhe one who knows the situation and the circumstances of each case and its details.

    For corrections, I welcome all of your corrections. Examples are as follows:

    -I started to write "Hi all" instead of "Hi All" which was wrong.
    - I started to put "." at the end of each sentence.
    - I started to write " my English to improve" instead of "my English got improved".

  7. #7
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,513

    Re: Our Long Call

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist2010 View Post
    The purpose is to find a way to get a job at the bank and to renew my application once again.

    It's wordy and redundant. Pick one:

    - get a job at the bank.
    - renew my application.
    - apply again.


    Everyone in management was enthusiastic about my application except one person who didn't like that the others supported me.

    Now, I am writing to him to ask him to forget thedispute.
    I don't know what device you're reading this on. Can you see the blue and red letters? Can you see the bold words? Can you see the strikethroughs?
    Last edited by Charlie Bernstein; 03-Apr-2021 at 13:50.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  8. #8
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,513

    Re: Our Long Call

    Quote Originally Posted by Economist2010 View Post
    No Tarheel, I accept all suggestions but take what is suitable for the case. I am the one who knows the situation and the circumstances of each case and its details.

    For corrections, I welcome all of your corrections. Examples are as follows:

    -I started to write "Hi all" instead of "Hi All," which was wrong.

    Both are wrong. Use Hi or Hi, all.


    - I started to put "." at the beginning and end of each sentence.

    - I started to write " my English to improve" instead of "my English got improved".

    Both were wrong. I corrected one.
    The note is much too long and wordy for a business letter. So, as I've suggested before, tell us more about your long phone call. When did you have it? Whom did you talk with? Does he work there now? What did you talk about? Did you resolve your differences? Does he want to? How did it end?

    Remember: Context matters! If we know more, we can help with tightening and correcting the letter.
    Last edited by Charlie Bernstein; 03-Apr-2021 at 13:55.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  9. #9
    5jj's Avatar
    5jj is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    28,506

    Re: Our Long Call

    Do you put a full stop (period at the beginning of sentences, Charlie? You must be the only person who does,

  10. #10
    Economist2010's Avatar
    Economist2010 is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Egypt
      • Current Location:
      • Egypt
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    207

    Re: Our Long Call

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    The note is much too long and wordy for a business letter. So, as I've suggested before, tell us more about your long phone call. When did you have it? Whom did you talk with? Does he work there now? What did you talk about? Did you resolve your differences? Does he want to? How did it end?

    Remember: Context matters! If we know more, we can help with tightening and correcting the letter.
    I had the call 5 months ago.
    I talked to the head of the department that I was going to join.
    Yes, he still works there now.
    He called me to blame me that I put the CEO in the company. I told him that it happened because he is following my case. He also tried to make me disappointed and started to play office politics with me.

    I said "different point of views" instead of using "disputes".

    He should accept what I offer as at the end it is in the interest of the bank that he works for

Page 1 of 2 1 2 Last

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •