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  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Harry stumbled to the kitchen

    Is this correct and natural?

    Harry stumbled to the kitchen and sat behind the dining table. A bottle of wine sat on the table. He took a long swig out of the bottle. Laura stepped in to make herself coffee. "Would you like some?" she asked in a dispassionate voice.

    "I'm good," answered Harry in a blank voice.

    Their marriage was on the edge of a precipice, a disaster waiting to happen. Laura gave him an icy stare. "Could you please not finish the wine?"

    "Sure," he said, putting down the bottle.

    "I want to go to Jackie's restaurant tonight. Would you like to come?" she asked. Her voice was devoid of affection.

    "No, I'm good." He stood up and left the house without saying goodbye to her.

  2. #2
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Harry stumbled to the kitchen

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Is this correct and natural?

    Harry stumbled into the kitchen and sat down at the table. A bottle of wine sat there. He took a long swig out of the bottle. Laura stepped in to make herself coffee. "Would you like some?" she asked in a dispassionate voice.

    "I'm good," answered Harry in a blank voice.

    Get rid of one "in a . . . voice." It's too repetitious.

    Their marriage was on the edge of a precipice, a disaster waiting to happen. Laura gave him an icy stare. "Could you please not finish the wine?"

    "Sure," he said, putting down the bottle.

    "I want to go to Jackie's restaurant tonight. Would you like to come?" she asked. Her voice was devoid of affection.

    "No, I'm good." He stood up and left the house without saying goodbye to her.
    Good riddance!
    Last edited by Charlie Bernstein; 02-May-2021 at 13:20.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  3. #3
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Harry stumbled to the kitchen

    But do be careful with the wine.

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