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  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    John decided to walk to the supermarket

    Is this correct and natural?

    John decided to walk to the supermarket to buy cigarettes. His house was at the end of the alley and the store was at tip of the alley. The neighborhood was quiet, except for the whir of air-conditioner engines rumbling in the muggy summer air. Hot jets of air radiated off the tired engines. Halos of light formed around streetlights glowing in the night. The smell of opium mingled with the smell of burned garbage, filling John's noise. The alley was littered with syringes used for heroin injections by the neighborhood's junkies.

  2. #2
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: John decided to walk to the supermarket

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Is this correct and natural?

    John decided to walk to the supermarket to buy cigarettes. His house was at the end of the alley and the store was at tip of the alley. The neighborhood was quiet [no comma] except for the whir of air-conditioner engines rumbling in the muggy summer air. Hot jets of air radiated off the tired engines. Halos of light formed around streetlights glowing in the night. The smell of opium mingled with the smell of burned garbage, filling John's nose. The alley was littered with syringes used for heroin injections by the neighborhood's junkies.
    You could say his house was at one end of the alley and the store was at the other end.

    Normally you have to get pretty close to the air conditioner to hear the motor running.

    I didn't know it was night until you mentioned the street lights. (That's a nice touch tho.)
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  3. #3
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: John decided to walk to the supermarket

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    His house was at the end of the alley and the store was at tip of the alley.
    I assume you meant to type "at the top". Am I right?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  4. #4
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: John decided to walk to the supermarket

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    I assume you meant to type "at the top". Am I right?

    I don't know. Doesn't top mean higher than on the ground? I don't mean that.

    Is this completely okay?

    John decided to walk to the supermarket to buy cigarettes. His house was at the end of the alley and the store was at the top of the alley. The neighborhood was quiet except for the whir of old air-conditioner engines rumbling in the muggy summer air. Hot jets of air radiated off the tired engines. Halos of orange light formed around streetlights glowing in the night. The smell of opium mingled with the smell of burned garbage, filling John's nose. The alley was littered with syringes used for heroin injections by the neighborhood's junkies.

  5. #5
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: John decided to walk to the supermarket

    Well, there's no such thing as "the tip of an alley" so "tip" was certainly wrong. We do commonly refer to each end of a road as the top and the bottom, regardless of their altitude. Which end is which is fairly subjective. I'd go with "His house was at one end of an alley and the store was at the other".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  6. #6
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: John decided to walk to the supermarket

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Well, there's no such thing as "the tip of an alley" so "tip" was certainly wrong. We do commonly refer to each end of a road as the top and the bottom, regardless of their altitude. Which end is which is fairly subjective. I'd go with "His house was at one end of an alley and the store was at the other".

    Is this okay?

    John decided to walk to the supermarket to buy cigarettes. His house was at one end of the alley and the store was at the other where the alley joined the main avenue. The neighborhood was quiet except for the whir of old air-conditioner engines rumbling in the muggy summer air. Hot jets of air radiated off the tired engines. Halos of orange light formed around streetlights glowing in the night. The smell of opium mingled with the smell of burned garbage, filling John's nose. The alley was littered with syringes used for heroin injections by the neighborhood's junkies.

  7. #7
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: John decided to walk to the supermarket

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    Is this okay?

    John decided to walk to the supermarket to buy cigarettes. His house was at one end of the an alley and the store was at the other, where the alley it joined the main avenue road/street.

    The neighborhood was quiet except for the whir of old air-conditioner engines rumbling in the muggy summer air.
    1. What neighbourhood? He only has to walk down an alley to get to the supermarket so he's not walking through a neighbourhood. He can really only comment on the alley.
    2. Were the air conditioning units whirring or rumbling? They're different noises.

    Hot jets of air radiated off the tired engines.
    I wouldn't use "engines" with AC. I might use "motors".

    Halos of Orange light halos formed around the streetlights. glowing in the night.
    I changed the opening to avoid the repetition of "light". I don't think we need to be told that streetlights glow, and it's obvious that it's nighttime. If it weren't, the streetlights wouldn't be on.

    The smell of opium mingled with the smell that of burned garbage, filling John's nose. The alley was littered with syringes used for heroin injections by the neighborhood's junkies heroin addicts.
    See above.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  8. #8
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: John decided to walk to the supermarket

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    See above.
    You are great!

    Is this good now?

    John decided to walk to the supermarket to buy cigarettes. His house was at one end of an alley and the store was at the other, where it joined the main street.
    The alley was quiet except for the sound of old air-conditioner motors whirring in the muggy summer air. Hot jets of air radiated off the tired motors. Orange halos formed around the streetlights. The smell of opium mingled with that of burned garbage, filling John's nose. The alley was littered with syringes used by the neighborhood's heroin addicts.

  9. #9
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: John decided to walk to the supermarket

    Got it!
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