John decided to walk to the supermarket

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

John decided to walk to the supermarket to buy cigarettes. His house was at the end of the alley and the store was at tip of the alley. The neighborhood was quiet, except for the whir of air-conditioner engines rumbling in the muggy summer air. Hot jets of air radiated off the tired engines. Halos of light formed around streetlights glowing in the night. The smell of opium mingled with the smell of burned garbage, filling John's noise. The alley was littered with syringes used for heroin injections by the neighborhood's junkies.

 

[Tarheel]

Is this correct and natural?

John decided to walk to the supermarket to buy cigarettes. His house was at the end of the alley and the store was at tip of the alley. The neighborhood was quiet [no comma] except for the whir of air-conditioner engines rumbling in the muggy summer air. Hot jets of air radiated off the tired engines. Halos of light formed around streetlights glowing in the night. The smell of opium mingled with the smell of burned garbage, filling John's nose. The alley was littered with syringes used for heroin injections by the neighborhood's junkies.

You could say his house was at one end of the alley and the store was at the other end.

Normally you have to get pretty close to the air conditioner to hear the motor running.

I didn't know it was night until you mentioned the street lights. (That's a nice touch tho.)

 

[emsr2d2]

His house was at the end of the alley and the store was at tip of the alley.

I assume you meant to type "at the top". Am I right?

 

[alpacinou]

I assume you meant to type "at the top". Am I right?

I don't know. Doesn't top mean higher than on the ground? I don't mean that.

Is this completely okay?

John decided to walk to the supermarket to buy cigarettes. His house was at the end of the alley and the store was at the top of the alley. The neighborhood was quiet except for the whir of old air-conditioner engines rumbling in the muggy summer air. Hot jets of air radiated off the tired engines. Halos of orange light formed around streetlights glowing in the night. The smell of opium mingled with the smell of burned garbage, filling John's nose. The alley was littered with syringes used for heroin injections by the neighborhood's junkies.

 

[emsr2d2]

Well, there's no such thing as "the tip of an alley" so "tip" was certainly wrong. We do commonly refer to each end of a road as the top and the bottom, regardless of their altitude. Which end is which is fairly subjective. I'd go with "His house was at one end of an alley and the store was at the other".

 

[alpacinou]

Well, there's no such thing as "the tip of an alley" so "tip" was certainly wrong. We do commonly refer to each end of a road as the top and the bottom, regardless of their altitude. Which end is which is fairly subjective. I'd go with "His house was at one end of an alley and the store was at the other".

Is this okay?

John decided to walk to the supermarket to buy cigarettes. His house was at one end of the alley and the store was at the other where the alley joined the main avenue. The neighborhood was quiet except for the whir of old air-conditioner engines rumbling in the muggy summer air. Hot jets of air radiated off the tired engines. Halos of orange light formed around streetlights glowing in the night. The smell of opium mingled with the smell of burned garbage, filling John's nose. The alley was littered with syringes used for heroin injections by the neighborhood's junkies.

 

[emsr2d2]

Is this okay?

John decided to walk to the supermarket to buy cigarettes. His house was at one end of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] an alley and the store was at the other, where [STRIKE]the alley[/STRIKE] it joined the main [STRIKE]avenue[/STRIKE] road/street.

The neighborhood was quiet except for the whir of old air-conditioner engines rumbling in the muggy summer air.
1. What neighbourhood? He only has to walk down an alley to get to the supermarket so he's not walking through a neighbourhood. He can really only comment on the alley.
2. Were the air conditioning units whirring or rumbling? They're different noises.

Hot jets of air radiated off the tired engines.
I wouldn't use "engines" with AC. I might use "motors".

[STRIKE]Halos of[/STRIKE] Orange [STRIKE]light[/STRIKE] halos formed around the streetlights. [STRIKE]glowing in the night.[/STRIKE]
I changed the opening to avoid the repetition of "light". I don't think we need to be told that streetlights glow, and it's obvious that it's nighttime. If it weren't, the streetlights wouldn't be on.

The smell of opium mingled with [STRIKE]the smell[/STRIKE] that of burned garbage, filling John's nose. The alley was littered with syringes used [STRIKE]for heroin injections[/STRIKE] by the neighborhood's [STRIKE]junkies[/STRIKE] heroin addicts.

See above.

 

[alpacinou]

See above.

You are great!

Is this good now?

John decided to walk to the supermarket to buy cigarettes. His house was at one end of an alley and the store was at the other, where it joined the main street.
The alley was quiet except for the sound of old air-conditioner motors whirring in the muggy summer air. Hot jets of air radiated off the tired motors. Orange halos formed around the streetlights. The smell of opium mingled with that of burned garbage, filling John's nose. The alley was littered with syringes used by the neighborhood's heroin addicts.

 

[Tarheel]

Got it!