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  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Wormhole 001

    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** *************************************************

    Dylan switched the power to the device on and listened to the hum of electrical power while he checked the readout on the computer. Everything looked how he hoped it would, how he dared to expect it to be. The cursor hovered over the activation key, “click”. The result was instantaneous, with no waiting. The space inside of the fifteen-centimetre toroidal shaped device glowed for a moment then swirled like water going down a bath’s drain, looking like a tornado as seen from above. From the other side, however, there was nothing to be seen. At the same time, three metres away, the air glowed as another vortex opened, and then nothing, the wormhole closed.

    Test number seven had failed, he had altered the parameters of the test ever so slightly, but the wormhole still collapsed after three point nine seconds, 3.91832 seconds to be exact. The pea had arrived through the exit vortex with no physical damage and not cooked to any degree. He checked the device for any sign of damage, and finding none. He grabbed another pea, then put it back and took a pencil off his clipboard. The pencil also made it through, but not unscathed. It began its journey twelve centimetres long and ended it two point seven centimetres long. Apart from the change in length, it was unaltered, separated from the rest of the pencil as if it had never existed, and as far as he knew, it no longer did exist.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. #2
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Wormhole 001

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** *************************************************

    Dylan switched the power to the device on and listened to the hum of electrical power while he checked the readout on the computer. Everything looked as/the way he had hoped it would, as/the way he dared to expect it to be. The cursor hovered over the activation key. Click. The result was instantaneous, with no waiting. The space inside of the fifteen-centimetre toroidal shaped toroidal/toroid-shaped device glowed for a moment then swirled like water going down a bath’s drain, looking like a tornado as seen from above. From the other side, however, there was nothing to be seen. At the same time, three metres away, the air glowed as another vortex opened, and then nothing, the wormhole closed.

    Test number seven had failed. He had altered the parameters of the test ever so slightly, but the wormhole still collapsed after three point nine seconds, 3.91832, seconds to be exact. The pea had arrived through the exit vortex with no physical damage and not cooked to any degree. He checked the device for any sign of damage, and found none. He grabbed another pea, then put it back and took a pencil off his clipboard. The pencil also made it through, but not unscathed. It began its journey twelve centimetres long and ended it two point seven centimetres long. Apart from the change in length, it was unaltered, separated from the rest of the pencil as if it had never existed, and as far as he knew, it no longer did exist.
    The device is shaped like a Taurus?
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  3. #3
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Wormhole 001

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    The device is shaped like a Taurus?
    Maybe, actually it just depends.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

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