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  1. #1
    Bad English Guy is offline Newbie
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    Help Me To Become Better Business Writer!

    I don't know is business writing a right term. But I want to become blogger, copywriter etc. I will appreciate to receive feedback of this writing. I have put it already through different text analyzing softwares. So I wish to get ideas how to make this writing more creative and professional. Thank you.


    Since the childhood, I have experienced a lot of negativity around me. Always somebody has the opinion of how we should look, act and be. Why can't people be happy about those things they already have? They don’t understand how much constant criticizing and blaming affects mentally. All this comes from low self-esteem. Bullies in the school can feel better by putting others down to feel being above them. But why not use that same energy to put ourselves up? In the class, if the teacher asks something and you answer wrong, other students laugh at you. Why? Again, low self-esteem. People who feel being worse than others are always looking for situations to put shame on them.

    I can’t understand why learning changes when we grow up. When we started to learn how to walk, we tried to take steps, then we fell down, nobody laughed. Of course not, everybody learned to walk the same way. Learning without making mistakes is not possible. Same with talking, we try to talk until we succeed. Nobody criticized when we said our first words as a child. I am very sure nobody took any courses for these skills to learn them. In school, everything changes. You will get threats if you make mistakes - you will flunk. You have learned your mother tongue by using it, but now you have to do the same with new language by hearing critics of your attempts. Mistakes and failures are sin, in despite of the most successful people in the world are those who have made the most mistakes. School doesn’t definitely coach for real life. How could we learn anything in this kind of environment? I am just asking.

    Last edited by emsr2d2; 07-Apr-2021 at 10:30. Reason: Put whole post in default font and size

  2. #2
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Help Me To Become Better Business Writer!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bad English Guy View Post
    I don't know if business writing is the right term but I want to become a blogger, copywriter, etc. I would appreciate receiving feedback on this writing. I have already put it already through different text-analyzing software. So I wish to get ideas on how to make this writing more creative and professional. Thank you.

    Don't worry about creative or professional. Aim for grammatical and natural.



    Since the childhood, I have experienced a lot of negativity around me. Somebody always
    has an opinion about how we should look, act, and be. Why can't people be happy about those things they already have? They don’t understand how much constant criticizing and blaming affects people mentally. All this comes from low self-esteem. Bullies in the school can feel better by putting put others down to feel being above them. But why not use that same energy to put ourselves up? In the class, if the teacher asks something and you answer wrong, other students laugh at you. Why? Again, low self-esteem. People who feel being worse than others are always looking for situations to put shame on them.

    I can’t understand why learning changes when we grow up. When we started to learn how to walk, we tried to take steps, then we fell down. Nobody laughed. Of course not. Everybody learned to walk the same way. Learning without making mistakes is not possible. Same with talking. We try to talk until we succeed. Nobody criticized us when we said our first words as a child. I am very sure nobody took any courses for these skills to learn them. In school, everything changes. You will get threats if you make mistakes. You will flunk. You have learned your mother tongue by using it, but now you have to do the same with a new language by hearing critics of your attempts. Mistakes and failures are a sin, in despite that most successful people in the world are those who have made the most mistakes. School doesn’t definitely coach you for real life. How could we learn anything in this kind of environment? I am just asking.

    Your written English is already pretty good. You've learned a lot!
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 07-Apr-2021 at 10:31. Reason: Added a correction in the quote
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  3. #3
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: Help Me To Become Better Business Writer!

    "Putting other people down" works. We don't "put ourselves up".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Help Me To Become Better Business Writer!

    I'd say you learned your mother tongue.

  5. #5
    Bad English Guy is offline Newbie
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    Re: Help Me To Become Better Business Writer!

    Thanks a lot of feedbacks. I appreciate it.

    What do you think which are my biggest problem areas?

    Can you explain why my original sentence wasn't good?

    Bullies in the school can feel better by putting put others down

  6. #6
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: Help Me To Become Better Business Writer!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bad English Guy View Post
    Thanks a lot of for your feedbacks feedback. I appreciate it. What do you think which are my biggest problem areas are?

    Can you explain why my original sentence below wasn't good?

    Bullies in the school can feel better by puttingothers down.
    Note my corrections above.

    1. Using "the school" was unnecessary because you're not talking about a specific school. You're talking about school as a general term.
    2. "can feel better" makes me think you're talking about someone being ill/sick.

    I would say one of the following:
    "School bullies feel better about themselves when they put other people down."
    "School bullies feel better about themselves by putting other people down."
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  7. #7
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Help Me To Become Better Business Writer!

    Say:

    Since my childhood ....

    Or just say:

    Since childhood ....
    Not a professional teacher

  8. #8
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: Help Me To Become Better Business Writer!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bad English Guy View Post
    Thanks a lot of feedbacks. I appreciate it.

    Try: "Thanks for the feedback."

    What do you think which are my biggest problem areas?

    Word choice is an obvious one.

    Can you explain why my original sentence wasn't good?

    Yes, but I don't want to.
    You should be able to figure some things out for yourself based on the based on the corrections you get.

    I would never say "Thanks for the feedback." Instead, I would say "Thanks for the help."

    We use "Thanks" to express appreciation.

    When you express something as a yes or no question it's always possible that somebody will respond in that fashion. (Perhaps humorously, as I did.)

    If you figure out the "why" for yourself it will stick with you longer. Besides, the the "why" questions are harder and I don't get paid any more them.
    Last edited by Tarheel; 08-Apr-2021 at 17:07. Reason: Delete sentence posted in error.
    Not a professional teacher

  9. #9
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Help Me To Become Better Business Writer!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bad English Guy View Post
    . . . Can you explain why this original sentence isn't good?:

    Bullies in the school can feel better by putting put others down to feel being above them.
    1. "Bullies in the school":

    (a) When you say the school or a school, it means one particular school. If you mean any school, say "Bullies in school" or "School bullies."

    (b) And is it only in school? What about bullies in other places? If you mean bullies everywhere, just say "Bullies."

    2. "can feel better":

    That is vague and confusing. Better about something? Better than something? Maybe you mean:

    - can feel good
    - can feel better about themselves
    - can feel they are better than other people
    - can feel better than they did before they beat you up

    3. "put putting"

    Only one of those words is correct. Do you know which one?

    4. "to feel being above them"

    (a) It's not grammatical. Do mean "to feel they are above them"?

    (b) But even if it's corrected, it's wordy and vague. It would be better in a new sentence. You might try putting "to feel they are above them" into a new, complete sentence.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

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