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  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Wormhole 005

    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ************************************************** **

    Penny stood there a little confused. She looked from one of the rings to the other and back. “So, Dad, what are you doing? Are you teaching yourself magic, and are you going to tell me where the strange ball went?”

    Dylan looked at his Daughter, a slightly confused look on her face.

    “What’s for lunch?” He replied.

    Penny said, “Chicken salad. Where’d the ball go, Dad?”

    Dylan drew her attention to the computer screen. “There. Pretty cool, huh.”

    Penny looked at her father seriously. “When you told me you were working on wormholes, I thought you were trying to be funny and mysterious”.

    Dylan smiled, took the Tupperware container over to a small table and opened it. “There’s enough here for two. Wanna join me?”

    Penny sat in the other chair, it was the best way to spend time with him, and he often worked till late. Sometimes Penny wondered if her father knew she left to go back to university and returned on her next break.

    As if reading her mind, Dylan said, “How long is your break, honey? I got a bigger telescope installed a couple of weeks ago if you wanna take a look. We can have dinner under the stars.”

    Penny said, “Dad, I wanna hear about your experiment.”
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. #2
    TheParser is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Wormhole 005

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post

    Dylan looked at his Daughter, a slightly confused look on her face.


    NOT A TEACHER

    1. I am very concerned about that sentence.

    2. As it is written, the pronoun should be "his." That is, grammatically speaking, "Dylan had a slightly confused look on his face when he looked at his daughter."

    a. I realize that is not what you want to say. So you must say "Dylan looked at his daughter, who had a slightly confused look on her face."

    i. That long sentence could be shortened to something like: "Dylan noticed his daughter's slightly confused look."
    Last edited by TheParser; 17-Apr-2021 at 18:39.

  3. #3
    tedmc is online now VIP Member
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    Re: Wormhole 005

    Penny sat in the other chair, it was the best way to spend time with him, and he often worked till late.
    There is a comma splice there.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

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