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  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Wormhole 006

    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *

    Dylan focused on his daughter’s face and saw that she really was serious, so he swallowed the piece of chicken he had been chewing and said, “Ok, Penelope, I’ll tell you, but what I tell you must not go beyond us two, not for any reason”.

    He always called her Penelope when he was serious. “To put it simply, I have had some success with creating artificial wormholes, but my problem is that I can’t keep them open; they close almost immediately. In 3.9 seconds every time. I’m almost at the point of giving up.”

    Penny saw what she hadn’t noticed before, something only she herself might notice, her father was mentally tired. “I only know a little about this kind of physics, Dad. Even my uni course won’t fully cover it unless I choose more specific subjects. Though from what I do know, wormholes theory predicts that they are unstable. I think you need something called exotic-matter to hold a wormhole open.”

    One side of Dylan’s mouth formed a smile. “Exactly, sweetie, but that’s not my problem. My wormhole devices produce the exotic matter they need. The first wormholes collapsed almost instantly. Now, they are collapsing in 3.9 seconds, every single time.”
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. #2
    tedmc is online now VIP Member
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    Re: Wormhole 006

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ************************************************** *

    Dylan focused on his daughter’s face and saw that she really was serious, so he swallowed the piece of (1)chicken he had been chewing and said, “Ok, Penelope, I’ll tell you, but what I'll tell you must not go beyond us two, not for any reason”.

    He always called her Penelope when he was serious. “To put it simply, I have had some success with creating artificial wormholes, but my problem is that I can’t keep them open; they close almost immediately. In 3.9 seconds every time. I’m almost at the point of giving up.”

    Penny saw what she hadn’t noticed before, something only she herself might notice, her father was mentally tired. “I only know a little about this kind of physics, Dad. Even my uni course won’t fully cover it unless I choose more specific subjects. Though from what I do know, wormholes theory predicts that they are unstable. I think you need something called exotic-matter to hold keep a wormhole open.”

    One side of Dylan’s mouth formed a smile. “Exactly, sweetie, but that’s not my problem. My wormhole devices produce the exotic matter they need. The first wormholes collapsed almost instantly. Now, they are collapsing in 3.9 seconds, every single time.”
    .

    (1) The chicken wouldn't be in one piece after being chewed.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  3. #3
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Wormhole 006

    One side of Dylan’s mouth formed a smile.
    Hmm- any better ideas for this?

  4. #4
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Wormhole 006

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    Hmm- any better ideas for this?
    Dylan’s mouth formed into a smile. Not sure it's a better idea.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

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