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  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Jack fumbled his toolbox for a monkey wrench

    I'm trying to describe a cage that is stuck to the wall. I also want to mention the fact the cage was made of fence and it was not a pre-made cage.

    Imagine a cage like this made of fence stuck to the wall:

    Click image for larger version. 

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    I also want to describe a basement window like this that is on top of the wall not in the middle it. The window is from one side to the other:

    Click image for larger version. 

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    This is what I have right now which I know needs to be worked on:

    Jack fumbled his toolbox for a monkey wrench but he couldn't find it. He hurried outside the house, running towards the basement. He slid down the stairs that led to the basement. The ground of the musty-smelling basement was covered in grime and there was a hand-made fence cage to the left of the entrance stuck to the wall, chicken feed scattered around it. The three chickens inside squawked loudly as Jack walked past the cage. There was a window that ran from one side to the other on the top part of the wall. Sun rays were filtering through it.
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  2. #2
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Jack fumbled his toolbox for a monkey wrench

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    I'm trying to describe a cage that is stuck to the wall. I also want to mention that the cage was made of fencing and it was not a ready-made cage.

    Imagine a cage like this made of fencing stuck to the wall:

    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	465465.jpg 
Views:	7 
Size:	98.8 KB 
ID:	4017

    I also want to describe a basement window like this that is on top of the wall not in the middle it. The window runs from one side to the other:

    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	32103.jpg 
Views:	5 
Size:	56.1 KB 
ID:	4018

    This is what I have right now, which I know needs to be worked on:

    Jack fumbled around in his toolbox for a monkey wrench, but he couldn't find it. He hurried outside the house, running towards the basement. He slid down the stairs that led to the basement. The floor of the musty-smelling basement was covered in grime, and there was a hand-made fence cage to the left of the entrance stuck to the wall, chicken feed scattered around it. The three chickens inside squawked loudly as Jack walked past the cage. A high window that ran along one side of the room. from one side to the other on the top part of the wall. Sun rays were filtering through it.
    On you go!
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  3. #3
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: Jack fumbled his toolbox for a monkey wrench

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    On you go!
    That was great Charlie. Thank you. One thing: A high window ran along one side of the room.

    I'm trying to describe a basement. Can I use "room" as a replacement for "basement"?

    And that picture is an example. I want to say the window runs along the entire length of the wall.

  4. #4
    jutfrank's Avatar
    jutfrank is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Jack fumbled his toolbox for a monkey wrench

    I hope Charlie Bernstein doesn't mind if I answer those questions.

    Yes, you can use room. In fact, that is precisely what Charlie suggested in post #2. You've already told the reader we're in a basement in previous context.

    The phrase ran along one side of the room tells the reader how to imagine the window you have in your mind. If you really want to make sure they understand the window runs along the entire length of the room, then say ran along the entire length of one side of the room. I can't see why you'd want to stress that point, however.

  5. #5
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
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    Re: Jack fumbled his toolbox for a monkey wrench

    Quote Originally Posted by jutfrank View Post
    I hope Charlie Bernstein doesn't mind if I answer those questions.

    Yes, you can use room. In fact, that is precisely what Charlie suggested in post #2. You've already told the reader we're in a basement in previous context.

    The phrase ran along one side of the room tells the reader how to imagine the window you have in your mind. If you really want to make sure they understand the window runs along the entire length of the room, then say ran along the entire length of one side of the room. I can't see why you'd want to stress that point, however.
    Thank you jutfrank.

  6. #6
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Jack fumbled his toolbox for a monkey wrench

    Quote Originally Posted by jutfrank View Post
    I hope Charlie Bernstein doesn't mind if I answer those questions. . . .
    Of course not! I consider all threads eligible for full-court presses.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  7. #7
    tedmc is online now VIP Member
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    Re: Jack fumbled his toolbox for a monkey wrench

    That is a chicken coop in the first picture. It is undertood that a chicken coop is made of wire netting on steel framing. It is located at a corner of the room.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

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