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  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Wormhole 007

    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ************************************************** **

    Penny looked about the lab trying to think of something useful, or at least inspirational. Her father had called her his muse since she was very young. Then her eyes rested on the other device, and her expression went blank as her imagination engulfed her.

    Dylan recognised that expression, he had seen it many times before, and he dared a little hope. Then Penny’s eyes blinked moisture back into themselves, and Dylan said, “OK honey, what is it?”

    Penny took a few more seconds, then. “Firstly, is that other ring-thing a spare or just broken?” Dylan said,“A spare, why?”

    “Well.” Penny said, pointing to the operational ring. “If you could consider that ring the front door, it makes me think of this one as the back door. Maybe if you find a way to connect them, it can keep the wormhole from collapsing”.

    Dylan got up and started pacing the floor, then pulled his daughter from her chair and hugged her. “Always, every time I find myself stuck and think I can’t continue, you come to my rescue. That’s brilliant, Penny, brilliant. Let’s take a break, we can start again tomorrow.”

    Penny said, “We, you really, want me to help?”

    Dylan replied, “I always wanted you to help, but I was afraid I’d disintegrate you or something when you were younger. Now, now you’re old enough?”

    Penny laughed. “Old enough, to be disintegrated?”
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. #2
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Wormhole 007

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ************************************************** **

    Penny looked about the lab trying to think of something that would be a good project. Her father had been calling her his muse since she was very young. Then her eyes rested on the other device, and her expression brightened as her imagination engulfed her.

    Dylan recognised that expression. He had seen it many times before, and he dared a little hope. Then Penny’s eyes blinked moisture back into themselves, and Dylan said, “OK honey, what is it?”

    Penny took a few more seconds, then. “Firstly, is that other ring-thing a spare or just broken?” Dylan said,“A spare, why?”

    “Well.” Penny said, pointing to the operational ring. “If you could consider that ring the front door, it makes me think of this one as the back door. Maybe if you find a way to connect them, it can keep the wormhole from collapsing”.

    Dylan got up and started pacing the floor, then pulled his daughter from her chair and hugged her. “Always, every time I find myself stuck and think I can’t continue, you come to my rescue. That’s brilliant, Penny! brilliant! Let’s take a break,. We can start again tomorrow.”

    Penny said, “We? You really, want me to help?”

    Dylan replied, “I have always wanted you to help, but I was afraid I’d disintegrate you or something when you were younger. Now, now you’re old enough?”

    Penny laughed. “Old enough [no comma] to be disintegrated?”
    Two things. One, a blink is a reflex, totally unconscious. Two, you continue to have problems with commas, putting them in the wrong places.

    (Rather than say that somebody started to pace I would phrase that differently.)
    Not a professional teacher

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