alpacinou
Key Member
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2019
- Member Type
- Interested in Language
- Native Language
- Persian
- Home Country
- Iran
- Current Location
- Iran
Is this correct and natural?
Jane was walking in the run-down neighborhood, blaming herself. Her adventures had gotten her in trouble again. Inside the building a man tried to mug her and when she escaped outside, she was attacked by a vicious dog. She looked disheveled, her messy hair was out from under her scarf, fluttering in the wind. The two top buttons of her tunic were undone and her pants were badly covered in dust. There was a churning in her stomach. She didn’t know if it was fear or disgust. She raised her sweaty palms and felt her pulse beating down to her fingertips. At least she was still alive. She just kept walking, trying to shove down the mental images of a few minutes ago as far down as possible.
Air conditioners protruded from all the windows of the neighborhood, whirring with a loud noise in the summer air. Hot streams of air radiated off their backs, hitting Jane's face. Rivulets of sweat were running down her face and her stomach was growling with hunger. Her tongue and her throat were dry.
Trying to find a water fountain, Jane found her way into a big street. The city was just beginning to emerge from a midday rest. Cars and motorcycles were swooshing by. The people swarmed around on the sidewalk, walking fast to reach their destination and escape the heat of the summer air. Some ignored Jane and some gave her the look. She found a fountain and washed her face.
She stopped, tucked her hair under her scarf and dusted her pants down. She took out a small makeup mirror and a cosmetic case from her bag. Her mind was still on Patrick. She then pulled out a lipstick tube. She thought about Patrick, her date, as she put on some lipstick.
I would like to replace the underlined part with a better phrase/word.
Jane was walking in the run-down neighborhood, blaming herself. Her adventures had gotten her in trouble again. Inside the building a man tried to mug her and when she escaped outside, she was attacked by a vicious dog. She looked disheveled, her messy hair was out from under her scarf, fluttering in the wind. The two top buttons of her tunic were undone and her pants were badly covered in dust. There was a churning in her stomach. She didn’t know if it was fear or disgust. She raised her sweaty palms and felt her pulse beating down to her fingertips. At least she was still alive. She just kept walking, trying to shove down the mental images of a few minutes ago as far down as possible.
Air conditioners protruded from all the windows of the neighborhood, whirring with a loud noise in the summer air. Hot streams of air radiated off their backs, hitting Jane's face. Rivulets of sweat were running down her face and her stomach was growling with hunger. Her tongue and her throat were dry.
Trying to find a water fountain, Jane found her way into a big street. The city was just beginning to emerge from a midday rest. Cars and motorcycles were swooshing by. The people swarmed around on the sidewalk, walking fast to reach their destination and escape the heat of the summer air. Some ignored Jane and some gave her the look. She found a fountain and washed her face.
She stopped, tucked her hair under her scarf and dusted her pants down. She took out a small makeup mirror and a cosmetic case from her bag. Her mind was still on Patrick. She then pulled out a lipstick tube. She thought about Patrick, her date, as she put on some lipstick.
I would like to replace the underlined part with a better phrase/word.
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