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  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Wormhole 011

    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** **********************************************

    Penny got up and went to the study to read the partnership contract. When she finished, she said, “Dad, this isn’t just a contract for a partnership, it’s a ‘Last Will and Testament’ as well, and you’re giving everything to me. I thought that even though you and Mom are divorced, that you would still leave some things to her.”

    Dylan, looking his most serious, said, “She doesn’t need anything; she has enough money of her own and has remarried. My job is to look after my child, not theirs. Your mother would only sell everything; she has no love of science, not like we do. Everything I have is better off with you. The will stands as is, sweetie.”

    Penny heard her father’s sincerity, picked up the pen and signed the papers.There were three copies. “Dad, these have been written by a lawyer; you didn’t just do this last night, but before I arrived.”

    Dylan scrunched his nose. “I had them made up three weeks ago, I’d been thinking about it for a long time, but when I started on this project, I thought it was time to put it all in writing. I’m not dead yet, honey. Take my pen out of your pocket and put it back on the table.”

    Penny smiled, got up and went back to the living room, tears of love running down her cheeks.

    Dylan said,“Maybe I should turn this thing on; all those tears are a safety hazard.”

    Penny pushed her father’s hand away from the switch he was pretending to reach for and wiped her tears away. “Noooo, you said I could do it.”
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Wormhole 011

    my child, not theirs

    My child, not their children
    works better for me.

  3. #3
    Tom Carter's Avatar
    Tom Carter is offline Newbie
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    Re: Wormhole 011

    Sorry, I don't mean to sound rude, but proofreading is not an easy task, and you have to pay for it. Does this forum make this service free of charge? You can contact [company name removed] for such a service if you need to do it effectively. I noticed that the moderators here are real professionals. I think you shouldn't abuse their politeness.

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: Wormhole 011

    We don't offer free proofreading, but we will look at things and make suggestions. I never correct writing in full, but I may have something to say.

  5. #5
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Wormhole 011

    There are a few run-on sentences.

    Should that be love of science or love for science in the second paragraph?
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  6. #6
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Wormhole 011

    Not really, Penny's mother has no love of science.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

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