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  1. #1
    rodgers white is offline Senior Member
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    Wormhole 012

    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ***********************************************

    Penny took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then clicked on the activation icon. The wormhole rings hummed to life as the activation sequence started the power flowing to them. Data immediately started filling the two computer screens. Everything was in the green. Penny activated the main wormhole ring. The second ring was ready, waiting. The wormhole opened, the second ring caught the exit and held it for just over seven seconds. Penny said, “Sorry, Dad, it didn’t work.”

    Dylan grabbed his daughter and shook her, then kissed her forehead. “Didn’t work; are you kidding me, Penny? Your idea has nearly doubled the stability on the first try. We got four probes through. I wonder if they found my pencil?”

    Penny saw the joy in her father's face and knew he wasn’t joking. Then she remembered what he said.

    “Your pencil?”

    Dylan pulled the chain from around his neck; hanging on it was the pointy end of a pencil. “I lost the rest of it in a wormhole.”

    Penny laughed. “Probably some kid in another universe has it now. Good luck getting them to return it.”

    Dylan looked at her sideways. “Sometimes, I think your mind is a clone of my mind.”

    Penny replied. “Maybe, with a few improvements added, Dad.”
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. #2
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: Wormhole 012

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

    ************************************************** ***********************************************

    Penny took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then clicked on the activation icon. The wormhole rings hummed to life as the activation sequence started the power flowing to them. Data immediately started filling the two computer screens. Everything was in the green. Penny activated the main wormhole ring. The second ring was ready, waiting. The wormhole opened, the second ring caught the exit and held it for just over seven seconds. Penny said, “Sorry, Dad, it didn’t work.”

    Dylan grabbed his daughter and shook her, then kissed her forehead. “Didn’t work; are you kidding me, Penny? Your idea has nearly doubled the stability on the first try. We got four probes through. I wonder if they found my pencil?”

    Penny saw the joy in her father's face and knew he wasn’t joking. Then she remembered what he said.

    “Your pencil?”

    Dylan pulled the chain from around his neck; hanging on it was the pointy end of a pencil. “I lost the rest of it in a wormhole.”

    Penny laughed. “Probably some kid in another universe has it now. Good luck getting them to return it.”

    Dylan looked at her sideways. “Sometimes [no comma] I think your mind is a clone of my mind.”

    Penny replied. “Maybe, with a few improvements added, Dad.”
    That doesn't seem to me like anything anybody would say. Perhaps:

    We are kindred spirits.
    Not a professional teacher

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