An e-mail to a cousin

[canadalynx]

Corrected version for reference.

A letter written to a benefactor who is in his forties.

Dear Jamal,

First of all, I would like to express my deepest gratitude for the on-going help you’ve been providing my family. We were able to get by with your great support, and are forever obliged to you for your selfless thoughts and actions. Be certain that my family and I will return your kindness and generosity.
Your previous e-mail has brought us enormous joy, and we couldn’t be happier that you have found a reason to ensconce in Tokyo.
The reputation of the country is very well perceived in general, and most importantly, the crime rate is extremely low. It is also my understanding that the news must have brought a great deal of relief to your parents, and they will certainly be delighted to see you more in the future.
I do not want to take more of your time, and I sincerely hope we will be able to cross paths again for more exchanges.

May the Lord keep you and your family in His tender care.
Stay safe and keep the virus at bay.

Yours sincerely,
Mufasa

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

A letter written to a benefactor who is in his forties.

Dear Jamal,

First of all, I would like to express my deepest gratitude for the on-going help you’ve been providing [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] my family. We were able to get by with your great support and are forever obliged to you for your selfless thoughts and actions. Be certain that my family and I will return your kindness and generosity [STRIKE]in case of need in future[/STRIKE].

Your previous e-mail has brought us enormous joy, and we couldn’t be happier that you have found a reason to be ensconced in Tokyo.

The reputation of the country is very well perceived in general, and most importantly, the crime rate is extremely low. It is also [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] my understanding that the news must have brought a great deal of relief to your parents, and they will certainly be delighted to see you more in the future.
I do not want to take more of your time, and I sincerely hope we will be able to cross paths again for more exchanges.

May the Lord keep you and your family in His tender care.

Stay safe and keep the virus at bay.

Yours sincerely,

Mufasa

It's good!

Don't use "their" when you know that the person is a man or woman.

Use commas to separate the clauses of compound sentences.