John kept driving on the main highway

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

John kept driving on the main highway until he turned to a side road flanked by a narrow water canal on the right and a neck-high concrete wall on the left. Heat waves rippled and shimmered on the battered asphalt. In a futile attempt to escape the sun beams shining into his eyes, he put down the visor but the rays of the merciless July sun bounced off the water, creeping inside his car from all directions. He felt he was inside a furnace. If only I could have a car with a decent air conditioner. He fished out a piece of tissue from inside the glove compartment and wiped sweat off his forehead. The world outside the car appeared as if I was melting.

 

[Tarheel]

Is this correct and natural?

John kept driving on the main highway until he turned onto a side road flanked by a narrow water canal on the right and a neck-high concrete wall on the left. Heat waves rippled and shimmered on the battered asphalt. In a futile attempt to escape the sun beams shining into his eyes, he put down the visor, but the rays of the merciless July sun bounced off the water, creeping inside his car from all directions. He felt as if he was inside a furnace. If only I could have a car with a decent air conditioner. He fished out a piece of tissue from inside the glove compartment and wiped sweat off his forehead. The world outside the car appeared as if it was melting.

You don't need (and probably shouldn't have) water before canal.

 

[teechar]

If only I could have a car with a decent air conditioner.

That sounds as if he is wishing for a car and a separate air conditioner. I would say "If only I had a car with decent air conditioning".

He fished out a piece of tissue from inside the glove compartment and wiped the sweat off his forehead.

That's more natural.

The world outside the car appeared as if I was melting.

That's not very natural. Try something like "It was sweltering outside".

 

[Tdol]

How about turned off into a side road?

 

[Tarheel]

That sounds as if he is wishing for a car and a separate air conditioner. I would say "If only I had a car with decent air conditioning".

The original sentence is something an American would naturally say.


That's more natural.

I would make that change too.


That's not very natural. Try something like "It was sweltering outside".

Your suggestion is good but not creative.

 

[teechar]

Your suggestion is good but not creative.

Noted but not appreciated.

 

[emsr2d2]

The world outside the car appeared as if I was melting.

Did you mean "it" instead of "I"?

 

[alpacinou]

Did you mean "it" instead of "I"?

Yes.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Yes.

Use "as if he were inside a furnace" and "as if he were melting." Don't use was for impossibilities. When in doubt, think of the phrase "if I were you."