Application letter for a volunteer club.

[keannu]

Title : Application letter for a volunteer club.
①I’m Jake Brown at Yellow Valley High School.
②I’m writing to ask if I can join the volunteer club.
③Before I entered Yellow Valley High School, a senior of my school recommended this club to me.
④What I want to do in the volunteer club is to help sick elderly people and pick up trash around the school.
⑤I also want to feel proud while volunteering.
⑥a. I'd like you to select me, then I will do my best
b. I sincerely hope you can select/choose me, then I will do my best.
⑦I would appreciate your reply.
========================================
Please understand some schools mark this kind of writing test based on each separate line.
If you find something wrong, please correct them, especially the underlined parts. In 6, which one between a and b is better?

 

[Tarheel]

Title : Application letter for a volunteer club.
①I’m Jake Brown at Yellow Valley High School.
②I’m writing to ask if I can join the volunteer club.
③Before I entered Yellow Valley High School, a senior of my school recommended this club to me.

a senior at my high school

④What I want to do in the volunteer club is to help sick elderly people and pick up trash around the school.

Try:

I want to help elderly or sick people. And I want to pick up trash and help keep the place clean.


⑤I also want to feel proud while volunteering.
⑥a. I'd like you to select me, then I will do my best
b. I sincerely hope you can select/choose me, then I will do my best.
⑦I would appreciate your reply.

Perhaps:

I sincerely hope you pick me to be a member of the team.
========================================
Please understand some schools mark this kind of writing test based on each separate line.
If you find something wrong, please correct them, especially the underlined parts. In 6, which one between a and b is better?

Can you just not decide between "select" and "choose"? Pick one!

 

[tedmc]

I sincerely hope you can select/choose me, then I will do my best.
Isn't this a run-on sentence?

 

[Tarheel]

I think I suggested an alternative to that (which says something in itself). In other words, yes.