Jane went for a walk in the garden.

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

Jane went for a walk in the garden. A warm wind was swaying the trees and hot jets of air were swirling in the garden. Sweat dappled her T-shirt as she walked on. The mulberry trees appeared as if they were sweating in the heat too. The ground was lined with furrows which were littered with dead leaves and decaying mulberries. She heard an engine sputter to life in the corner of the garden, a water pump. Several minutes later, water reached the furrow to her right, gently nudging the dead leaves which made a faint crackling sound as they moved. The sun was glaring down, its rays bouncing off the streaming water of the furrows, painting her hair with a golden gleam. She stepped towards the room in the corner that housed the water pump. Its window was streaked with soot. The air around the small building was filled with the stench of fuel and the racket of the engine nearly deafened her.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

A warm wind was blowing, and the trees were swaying in the breeze.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

There's a compound sentence in search of a comma.

 

[Tarheel]

Where did those hot jets of air come from?

 

[alpacinou]

Where did those hot jets of air come from?

It's a hot day. Doesn't that make sense?

 

[alpacinou]

There's a compound sentence in search of a comma.

Is that the one? What about the rest Charlie? I mean the collocations and idioms. Is it okay?

Jane went for a walk in the garden. A warm wind was swaying the trees , and hot jets of air were swirling in the garden. Sweat dappled her T-shirt as she walked on. The mulberry trees appeared as if they were sweating in the heat too. The ground was lined with furrows which were littered with dead leaves and decaying mulberries. She heard an engine sputter to life in the corner of the garden, a water pump. Several minutes later, water reached the furrow to her right, gently nudging the dead leaves which made a faint crackling sound as they moved. The sun was glaring down, its rays bouncing off the streaming water of the furrows, painting her hair with a golden gleam. She stepped towards the room in the corner that housed the water pump. Its window was streaked with soot. The air around the small building was filled with the stench of fuel and the racket of the engine nearly deafened her.

 

[Tarheel]

It's a hot day. Doesn't that make sense?

Not to me. Besides, it should be jets of hot air.

Now if you were standing too close to a jet engine you might feel a jet of hot air.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Nope. I didn't catch that one. There's at least one more. Keep looking!

The only usage comment I can think of is that jets of air don't swirl, they shoot or blast. So you might just say that hot air was swirling around the garden.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

She heard an engine sputter to life in the corner of the garden when the water pump started up.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Perhaps:

She heard an engine sputter to life in the corner of the garden when the water pump started up.

Or:

She heard the water pump in the garden's corner sputter to life.