Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2,916

    Jane went for a walk in the garden.

    Is this correct and natural?

    Jane went for a walk in the garden. A warm wind was swaying the trees and hot jets of air were swirling in the garden. Sweat dappled her T-shirt as she walked on. The mulberry trees appeared as if they were sweating in the heat too. The ground was lined with furrows which were littered with dead leaves and decaying mulberries. She heard an engine sputter to life in the corner of the garden, a water pump. Several minutes later, water reached the furrow to her right, gently nudging the dead leaves which made a faint crackling sound as they moved. The sun was glaring down, its rays bouncing off the streaming water of the furrows, painting her hair with a golden gleam. She stepped towards the room in the corner that housed the water pump. Its window was streaked with soot. The air around the small building was filled with the stench of fuel and the racket of the engine nearly deafened her.

  2. #2
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,823

    Re: Jane went for a walk in the garden.

    Perhaps:

    A warm wind was blowing, and the trees were swaying in the breeze.
    Not a professional teacher

  3. #3
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,470

    Re: Jane went for a walk in the garden.

    There's a compound sentence in search of a comma.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  4. #4
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,823

    Re: Jane went for a walk in the garden.

    Where did those hot jets of air come from?
    Not a professional teacher

  5. #5
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2,916

    Re: Jane went for a walk in the garden.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Where did those hot jets of air come from?
    It's a hot day. Doesn't that make sense?

  6. #6
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2,916

    Re: Jane went for a walk in the garden.

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    There's a compound sentence in search of a comma.
    Is that the one? What about the rest Charlie? I mean the collocations and idioms. Is it okay?

    Jane went for a walk in the garden. A warm wind was swaying the trees , and hot jets of air were swirling in the garden. Sweat dappled her T-shirt as she walked on. The mulberry trees appeared as if they were sweating in the heat too. The ground was lined with furrows which were littered with dead leaves and decaying mulberries. She heard an engine sputter to life in the corner of the garden, a water pump. Several minutes later, water reached the furrow to her right, gently nudging the dead leaves which made a faint crackling sound as they moved. The sun was glaring down, its rays bouncing off the streaming water of the furrows, painting her hair with a golden gleam. She stepped towards the room in the corner that housed the water pump. Its window was streaked with soot. The air around the small building was filled with the stench of fuel and the racket of the engine nearly deafened her.

  7. #7
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,823

    Re: Jane went for a walk in the garden.

    Quote Originally Posted by alpacinoutd View Post
    It's a hot day. Doesn't that make sense?
    Not to me. Besides, it should be jets of hot air.

    Now if you were standing too close to a jet engine you might feel a jet of hot air.
    Not a professional teacher

  8. #8
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,470

    Re: Jane went for a walk in the garden.

    Nope. I didn't catch that one. There's at least one more. Keep looking!

    The only usage comment I can think of is that jets of air don't swirl, they shoot or blast. So you might just say that hot air was swirling around the garden.
    Last edited by Charlie Bernstein; 11-May-2021 at 21:03.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  9. #9
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,823

    Re: Jane went for a walk in the garden.

    Perhaps:

    She heard an engine sputter to life in the corner of the garden when the water pump started up.
    Not a professional teacher

  10. #10
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,470

    Re: Jane went for a walk in the garden.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Perhaps:

    She heard an engine sputter to life in the corner of the garden when the water pump started up.
    Or:

    She heard the water pump in the garden's corner sputter to life.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •