Results 1 to 3 of 3
  1. #1
    alpacinoutd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Persian
      • Home Country:
      • Iran
      • Current Location:
      • Iran
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    2,915

    John heard a woman shriek downstairs.

    Is this correct and natural?

    John heard a woman shriek downstairs. It was as if her screams were creeping up inside him. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as the wailing got louder.

  2. #2
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,465

    Re: John heard a woman shriek downstairs.

    Maybe. Creeping is slow. Wouldn't you react suddenly to screams?
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  3. #3
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    60,769

    Re: John heard a woman shriek downstairs.

    Your first sentence suggests to me that the woman shrieked just once. That doesn't fit with "her screams". If you change "shriek" to "shrieking", it works better. That suggests the shrieking was of a longer duration.
    Like Charlie, I don't like "were creeping up inside him" at all. Perhaps her screams "penetrated to his very core".

    I think you've tried too hard to avoid repetition. Was she shrieking, screaming or wailing? They're not entirely the same.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •