Page 1 of 2 1 2 Last
Results 1 to 10 of 15
  1. #1
    keannu's Avatar
    keannu is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Korean
      • Home Country:
      • South Korea
      • Current Location:
      • South Korea
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    6,230

    My role model

    Title : My role model
    My role model is William Henry Gates 3 who is known as Bill Gates.
    He was the CEO of Microsoft and he developed Windows.
    Bill Gates is my role model because he is one of the most successful entrepreneurs in the world.
    The reason I respect him is because he was a great programmer and a donator.
    It was he that developed Windows, which is used worldwide.
    Also, he donated billions of dollars to help people suffering from poverty and disease.
    What I have learned from him is that to get people`s respect, one should help others.
    Many people respect him because he donated a lot of his money through Bill & Melinda gates foundation.
    My dream is to become a programmer like him and developing something useful that can make people’s life more convenient.
    To resemble him, I have been studying math so that I can major in programming in college.
    =====================================

    If you find something awkward or wrong, please correct them. Thank you!

  2. #2
    jutfrank's Avatar
    jutfrank is online now VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • England
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    14,753

    Re: My role model

    Quote Originally Posted by keannu View Post
    What I have learned from him is that to get people`s respect, one should help others.
    Is this really the lesson you have learned? Do you really think that the reason to help people is so that people will respect you?

  3. #3
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,465

    Re: My role model

    Quote Originally Posted by keannu View Post
    Title : My Role Model

    First paragraph:

    My role model is William Henry Gates III, who is known as Bill Gates. He was the CEO of Microsoft, and he developed Windows. Bill Gates is my role model because he is one of the most successful entrepreneurs in the world. The reason I respect him is because he was a great programmer and a philanthropist.

    It was he that Windows, which is used worldwide. (You have already said he developed Windows. Don't say it twice. Move this line up to follow "and he developed Windows" above.)

    Also, He donated billions of dollars to help people suffering from poverty and disease. (The line before this says he is a donor, so "Also" doesn't make sense.)

    Second paragraph:

    What I have learned from him is that to get people's respect, one should help others. Many people respect him because he donated a lot of his money through the Bill and Melinda gates foundation. My dream is to become a programmer like him and develop something useful that can make people’s life more convenient.
    To emulate him, I have been studying math so that I can major in programming in college.
    =====================================

    If you find something awkward or wrong, please correct it. Thank you!
    Order your sentences logically. Always organize them into paragraphs.
    Last edited by Charlie Bernstein; 13-May-2021 at 15:47.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  4. #4
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,465

    Re: My role model

    Quote Originally Posted by jutfrank View Post
    Is this really the lesson you have learned? Do you really think that the reason to help people is so that people will respect you?
    Keannu, you'll be interested in knowing about Maimonides. He did not think that gaining respect is a good reason to give. He said that the two highest forms of giving are:

    - Giving when neither the donor nor the recipient is aware of the other's identity. (Bill Gates tells the whole world what he gives to, and he always knows whom he is giving to.)

    - Giving money, a loan, your time or whatever else it takes to enable an individual to be self-reliant. (Bill Gates has sometimes done this. But sometimes, in his business dealings, he has done the opposite.)

    So Maimonides taught that the best giving is anonymous and makes change. Here is his giving ladder: Maimonides
    Last edited by Charlie Bernstein; 13-May-2021 at 16:17.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  5. #5
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,823

    Re: My role model

    Perhaps:

    He has donated billions of dollars to help poor people and sick people.

    (Bill Gates is still alive as of this moment.)

    Perhaps:

    Many people respect him because he has generously helped a lot of people through the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

    My dream is to become a developer like him and develop something useful that will make people's [lives] more convenient.


    Perhaps:

    My dream is to be a developer like Bill Gates and develop something that will make life better for many.
    Not a professional teacher

  6. #6
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,465

    Re: My role model

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    . . . (Bill Gates is still alive as of this moment.) . . .
    Good point. Change that was to is, Keannu!
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  7. #7
    keannu's Avatar
    keannu is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Korean
      • Home Country:
      • South Korea
      • Current Location:
      • South Korea
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    6,230

    Re: My role model

    Quote Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein View Post
    Order your sentences logically. Always organize them into paragraphs.
    1.To emulate him, I have been studying math so that I can major in programming in college.
    2.
    To resemble him, I have been studying math so that I can major in programming in college.
    Tester's question: What kinds of efforts have you been making to resemble your role model?

    Does it make sense to say "to resemble him" as in 2? After your correction, I thought it doesn't as "resemble" is a state verb which doesn't go with an active action.
    But the tester's question includes "to resemble your role model". Please let me know if it makes sense.
    Does

  8. #8
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,465

    Re: My role model

    Quote Originally Posted by keannu View Post
    1.To emulate him, I have been studying math so that I can major in programming in college.
    2.
    To resemble him, I have been studying math so that I can major in programming in college.
    Tester's question: What kinds of efforts have you been making to resemble your role model?

    Does it make sense to say "to resemble him" as in 2? After your correction, I thought it doesn't as "resemble" is a state verb which doesn't go with an active action.
    But the tester's question includes "to resemble your role model". Please let me know if it makes sense.
    Does
    Interesting question. You're right, and not just because resemble is a state verb. Resemble is also unlikely because of the context. To resemble him, you would not study math. You would dress like him and wear your hair like he does.

    Both are certainly possible. But do you see why emulate is more likely? How many people try to to emulate Ghandi or Mother Teresa? How many try to resemble them?
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  9. #9
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,823

    Re: My role model

    Quote Originally Posted by keannu View Post
    1.To emulate him, I have been studying math so that I can major in programming in college.
    2.
    To resemble him, I have been studying math so that I can major in programming in college.
    Tester's question: What kinds of efforts have you been making to resemble your role model?

    Does it make sense to say "to resemble him" as in 2? After your correction, I thought it doesn't as "resemble" is a state verb which doesn't go with an active action.
    But the tester's question includes "to resemble your role model". Please tell me if it makes sense.
    Well, if you want to be like somebody in that you did similar things and were highly successful, then you want to emulate them. If you want to look like that person you want to resemble them.
    Not a professional teacher

  10. #10
    Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    9,465

    Re: My role model

    By the way, what tester are you talking about? What is the test? Are you required to use resemble? How?

    And since we're discussing it, I'm also wondering why you think resemble is a state verb but emulate isn't.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

Page 1 of 2 1 2 Last

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •