use of the word "even" "still" and "group" in the same sentence

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marcofabri

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use of the word "even" "still" and "group" in the same sentence

Hi,

I´d like to hear from you about the use of the word "even" and "still" in the same sentence. The idea was to emphasize the results obtained in the CR18 group.

Also, if I use the word "group" for the first time in the sentence, can I omit this word thereafter ?


The most striking result was the effect of calorie restriction on visceral fat weight. CR18 group had 5-7 x lower visceral fat weight than the AL18 group and even when evaluated the visceral fat/body weight ratio CR18 still presented 3-4 x lower visceral fat weight than AL18.
 

jutfrank

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Re: use of the word "even" "still" and "group" in the same sentence

I don't completely understand what the sentence means, so I don't want to give you suggestions yet.

Briefly describe for me what the 'evaluation' that you mention entailed.
 

Charlie Bernstein

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Re: use of the word "even" "still" and "group" in the same sentence

Hi,

I´d like to hear from you about the use of the words "even" and "still" in the same sentence. The idea was to emphasize the results obtained in the CR18 group.

Also, if I use the word "group" for the first time in the sentence, can I omit this word thereafter ?


The most striking result was the effect of calorie restriction on visceral fat weight. The CR18 group had from five to seven times lower visceral fat weight than the AL18 group and even when evaluated the visceral fat/body weight ratio CR18 still presented from three to four times lower visceral fat weight than AL18.
I don't understand the "evaluate" part, either.

The words group, even, and still are used correctly. You can say "The CR18 group" or "Group CR18" (capitalized because it's the first word of the sentence).

Where did you get the sentence? Always tell us your source.
 
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marcofabri

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Re: use of the word "even" "still" and "group" in the same sentence

Thank you Charlie,
Excuse me for not mention the source. It's a sentence from my paper that I am writing.
 

marcofabri

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Re: use of the word "even" "still" and "group" in the same sentence

Thank you jutfrank,


I had two groups, one calorie-restricted (CR) and the other fed-ad libitum (AL). When we compared the visceral fat weight of both groups, the CR group had a visceral fat weight from five to seven times lower than the AL group. Then we calculated the ratio of the visceral fat weight divided for the body weight. We did this ratio because the CR rats had 40% lower body weight than the AL rats. Thus the CR rats could have lower visceral fat weight than the AL rats just because they were smaller. However, even after calculating the visceral fat to body weight ratio the CR group still presented from three to four times lower visceral fat weight than AL. What I want to emphasize with this result is the strong effect of the caloric restriction protocol I used in reducing the visceral fat weight in rats.I hope it was clear now.
 

Charlie Bernstein

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Re: use of the word "even" "still" and "group" in the same sentence

I think you mean "fed ad libitum."
 

marcofabri

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Re: use of the word "even" "still" and "group" in the same sentence

I think the use of "evaluated" was not clear.

I change the sentence after the suggestions. Let me hear from you if now is clear:

The most striking result was the effect of calorie restriction on visceral fat weight. The CR18 group had from five to seven times lower visceral fat weight than the AL18 group and even when calculating the ratio of visceral fat weight to body weight CR18 still presented from three to four times lower visceral fat weight than AL18.
 

jutfrank

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Re: use of the word "even" "still" and "group" in the same sentence

I had two groups, one calorie-restricted (CR) and the other fed-ad libitum (AL). When we compared the visceral fat weight of both groups, the CR group had a visceral fat weight from five to seven times lower than the AL group. Then we calculated the ratio of the visceral fat weight divided for the body weight. We did this ratio because the CR rats had 40% lower body weight than the AL rats. Thus the CR rats could have lower visceral fat weight than the AL rats just because they were smaller. However, even after calculating the visceral fat to body weight ratio the CR group still presented from three to four times lower visceral fat weight than AL. What I want to emphasize with this result is the strong effect of the caloric restriction protocol I used in reducing the visceral fat weight in rats.I hope it was clear now.

Okay, I see. So when you say "when evaluated", you mean 'after calculating the fat/body weight ratio'. Do you think that will be obvious to the reader?

I don't want to be too picky because I know it's hard enough for you to write scientific writing in a foreign language, but I'd suggest you could improve your text with a major rewrite. Firstly, because I really don't think the 'even ... still' is very appropriate for this kind of text. It's too vernacular for the register. And secondly, because the whole of the sentence is unnecessarily complex. Here:

The CR18 group had 5-7x lower visceral fat weight than the AL18 group, and 3-4x lower visceral fat weight when controlled for body weight.

 
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