[General] When Elsewhen, Wormholes Open. P#001

[rodgers white]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Monday, September 27th, 2021. Penelope refocussed her attention from her surroundings to herself. She had noticed that words popped into her head as she needed them; she obviously still had complete language skills. She only lacked the ability to form words when trying to remember personal details and where she came from, but she somehow knew those words would come, eventually. Penelope looked down; she was wearing boots, hiking boots, and long pants made of robust cotton, as was her shirt. She concluded that she must have been out hiking when something happened to her. She checked her pockets: nothing, no wallet, and no identification. The clothes were almost new. She realised she was wearing a backpack and took it off, hoping she’d find something that would identify her. There was a journal. It only had a few entries, and the first entry was dated Tuesday, August 10th, 2021. It said, “Arrived back at Uni; I hope Dad is careful he’s just as bad as I am when it comes to trying something new and driving that car is definitely new. Dad called to let me know he arrived back home safely”. While she read the Journal, she remembered that she had felt something around her waist under her shirt. Penny looked under her shirt; it was a type of belt pouch.

 

[emsr2d2]

What does your title have to do with your thread? The words in your title do not appear anywhere in your post. Please remember that titles should be unique, relevant to the thread and should contain some of the words you're actually asking us about.

 

[rodgers white]

What does your title have to do with your thread? The words in your title do not appear anywhere in your post. Please remember that titles should be unique, relevant to the thread and should contain some of the words you're actually asking us about.

Thanks for your time. I totally agree with your comments. Anyway, the words in my title is actually the title of a sci-fi, and the above passage is just the first one, so I call it P#001. [h=2][/h]

 

[emsr2d2]

Please don't do that. Please use the opening words of each thread as the title. If you want to, you could put "(Part 1 of my sci-fi novel)" after the title.

 

[emsr2d2]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Monday, September 27th, 2021. Penelope refocused her attention from her surroundings to herself. She had noticed that words popped into her head as she needed them; she obviously still had complete language skills. She only lacked the ability to form words when trying to remember personal details and where she came from, but she somehow knew [STRIKE]those words[/STRIKE] that information would come, eventually.

Penelope looked down; she was wearing [strike]boots,[/strike] hiking boots, and long pants and a shirt, both made of [strike]robust[/strike] heavy cotton. [STRIKE]as was her shirt.[/STRIKE] She concluded that she must have been out hiking when something happened to her. She checked her pockets. Nothing; no wallet no comma here and no identification. The clothes were almost new.

She realised she was wearing a backpack and took it off, hoping she’d find something that would identify her. There was a journal. It [STRIKE]only[/STRIKE] had only a few entries, and the first [strike]entry[/strike] was dated Tuesday, August 10th, 2021. It said, “Arrived back at Uni. I hope Dad is careful; he’s just as bad as I am when it comes to trying something new, and driving that car is definitely new. Dad called to let me know he had arrived back home safely”. While she read the journal, she remembered that she had felt something around her waist under her shirt. Penny looked under her shirt and saw [STRIKE]that it was[/STRIKE] a type of belt pouch.

emsr2d2

 

[Tdol]

Doesn't the statement that she had complete language skills contradict the next sentence a bit?

 

[rodgers white]

Doesn't the statement that she had complete language skills contradict the next sentence a bit?

You are right，Tdol. I feel a lit bit awkward, too. What I want to express is that : though she had complete language skills , she lost the ability to remember her identity and of course she didn't know how to form words to describe something about her personal information.

 

[emsr2d2]

You are right, Tdol. I feel it's a little bit awkward, too. What I want to express is that no colon here although she had [STRIKE]complete[/STRIKE] retained her language skills, she had [STRIKE]lost the ability to remember[/STRIKE] forgotten her identity and [STRIKE]of course[/STRIKE] she didn't know how to form the words to [STRIKE]describe[/STRIKE] say something about her personal information.

See my changes above.

I'm inclined to agree with you both, even though I left it in place in my original response. Forgetting her identity is irrelevant to the language skills question, but if she is struggling to remember the words to talk about herself, then she hasn't completely retained her language skills, or even her language.