I've essay is due this week, and wanna check it with you either i'm using the right ungrammatical or not, so can I ?
here you're my essay
What is more agony than pulling your heart to pieces ? Losing your lustiness and facing people with huge bluff smile ?What hell going on the earth when all your pinkish dreams converting gradually to nightmare ?
Not only on your personal plane,even on your scholar plane, which makes you influence for every gray beam !
Been in same conjuncture, as been in the midstream either you trend to positive side or negative. And there isn't any third choice given makes you stop on this direction and move on your life awfully !
It's really unbearable,after all we're human. Not a wall of mud,hurted and insulated then Duhhh ! It's okay nothing happened !
Cmon back to olden version and continue on !
Yeah, Forgive and forget.
But , what when it comes and your heart full of knobs pieces and couldn't love or trust anymore ?
PS : it's free writing and we must inculde some formal word from the surrounding :)
I tried reading your essay but there is a lot of interference from your first language.
The best advice I can give you is:
1. use shorter (simple) sentences - Subject, Verb and Object.
2. don't use contractions or spoken English forms (wanna) unless using direct speech.
3. illustrate your essays clearly by using paragraphs (introduction, body, conclusion) and transition words.
4. topic sentences for each paragraph helps the reader follow your ideas better.
I know this isn't what you wanted as an answer but I hope it can help you improve in your writing skills.
Last edited by eflnow; 10-Nov-2006 at 10:22.
Reason: missing word