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    • Join Date: Jul 2005
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    #1

    proofreading

    Hello,

    could you please proofread the following text:

    The grounds for a notice given by the employer to the employee include repeated breaches of the stipulated regulations and instructions to ensure work safety in the workplace or of working procedures with which he was properly acquainted and of the breaches of which he has already been notified.

    Thank you very much.

    Hanka

  1. BobK's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: proofreading

    Phew! 50-odd words and not a jot or a tittle. Lawyers don't like punctuation - presumably because the absence of punctuation makes more ambiguity for lawyers to profit from. This said, I don't think a re-written version would be acceptable to your bosses. If you'd like me to try though, I will - only not now, as I've got to dash.

    b


    • Join Date: Jul 2005
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    #3

    Re: proofreading

    If you would be so kind
    By the way, what does "dash" mean?

    Hanka


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
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    #4

    Re: proofreading

    Quote Originally Posted by Hanka View Post
    Hello,

    could you please proofread the following text:

    The grounds for a notice given by the employer to the employee include repeated breaches of the stipulated regulations and instructions to ensure work safety in the workplace or of working procedures with which he was properly acquainted and of the breaches of which he has already been notified.

    Thank you very much.

    Hanka
    The grounds for an employee receiving notice from the employer include repeated breaches of stipulated regulations and instructions relating to safety in the workplace or breaches of agreed working procedures. The employee may previously have been notified of such breaches.


    "dash" - must rush off and do something

  2. BobK's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: proofreading

    Quote Originally Posted by Hanka View Post
    Hello,
    could you please proofread the following text:
    The grounds for a notice given by the employer to the employee include repeated breaches of the stipulated regulations and instructions to ensure work safety in the workplace or of working procedures with which he was properly acquainted and of the breaches of which he has already been notified.
    Thank you very much.
    Hanka
    First, Hanka, let me apologize: when I used the phrase 'jot or tittle' I was just showing off . You'll rarely if ever meet it or use it, and I don't think it was well-chosen anyway. If you're interested, look here for some background: Tittle - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia .

    I think I'd go further than Anglika in rewriting your extract, though I think her version is more likely to be acceptable in the context of disciplinary procedures.
    Grounds for notice given by the employer to the employee include repeated breaches of

    either
    the stipulated regulations and instructions to ensure safety in the workplace
    or
    working procedures with which he was properly acquainted (when he has already been formally notified about breaches of them)
    b


    • Join Date: Jul 2005
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    #6

    Re: proofreading

    Thank you BobK. Maybe one additional question. Would it be possible to use present perfect with "acquainted"? And how would it change the meaning?

    Grounds for notice given by the employer to the employee include repeated breaches of either the stipulated regulations and instructions to ensure work safety in the workplace or working procedures with which he has been properly acquainted (when he has already been notified of the breaches thereof).

    Thank you very much.

    Hanka

  3. BobK's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: proofreading

    Quote Originally Posted by Hanka View Post
    Thank you BobK. Maybe one additional question. Would it be possible to use present perfect with "acquainted"? And how would it change the meaning?
    Grounds for notice given by the employer to the employee include repeated breaches of either the stipulated regulations and instructions to ensure [work ] safety in the workplace or working procedures with which he has been properly acquainted (when he has already been notified of the breaches thereof).
    Thank you very much.
    Hanka
    I think the present perfect is better.

    b

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