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    • Join Date: Jul 2005
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    #1

    commas

    Hi,

    I am not sure about the commas in the following sentence. Could you please help me?

    The disciplinary procedure will be initiated in case of persistent poor performance despite prior notice COMMA? and the measures taken to improve the employee’s work performance COMMA? and also if the poor performance is caused by the employee’s attitude.

    Thank you very much.

    Hanka

  1. MikeNewYork's Avatar
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    • Join Date: Nov 2002
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    #2

    Re: commas

    Quote Originally Posted by Hanka View Post
    Hi,

    I am not sure about the commas in the following sentence. Could you please help me?

    The disciplinary procedure will be initiated in case of persistent poor performance despite prior notice COMMA? and the measures taken to improve the employee’s work performance COMMA? and also if the poor performance is caused by the employee’s attitude.

    Thank you very much.

    Hanka
    IMO, this is a poor sentence. The last part should be in another sentence.

    As it stands, we have a conjunction connecting "in cases of persistent poor performance despite...notice and the measures..." with "if the poor performance..." From the standpoint of parallelism, this is hopeless.
    It is also difficult to determine whether the attitude part is a second required criterion or a separate criterion.

    I suggest a rewrite.

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