Its an argument topic for GRE , can someone tell my errors plz...

[lapujhanna]

“According to a recent study, people with many social ties report catching colds less often than do people with few social ties. Consequently, researchers conclude that having an active social life probably helps strengthen the immune system. The researchers note that catching a cold — one of a family of highly contagious viruses — gives the cold-sufferer temporary immunity to that virus in the future, but not to the many other related viruses. Merely being exposed to a new cold virus, however, is not enough for a person to catch a cold, since a strong immune system can successfully fight off some new viruses. Thus, in order to prevent catching a cold, people should strengthen their immune systems by becoming more active socially.

The argument proves to be a week one and poorly thought and constructed. It does not prove the authenticity of the study conducted and also not mentioned that this study done to how many people and in what age group. Without taking these points into considerations it is very unwise to draw conclusions such as- “Social life helps in strengthening the immune system.” It has not discussed the epidemic diseases (which are spread mainly by coming in contact with other people) which more likely spread through social gatherings.

Every individual has a different immune system and it directly depends on their lifestyle, health and age group. Healthy people who are young adults have less chances of becoming ill because their immune system is strong as compare to the immune system of old people and children.. Those who are already sick have weak immunity for other diseases too and are more prone to catch these diseases. In social gathering majority is of young adults whose immunity system is already strong and have less chances of catching diseases. The above argument should compare those young adults who participate in social gatherings and those who not do so. Then it may have found a different result.

The above study should also consider the lifestyle of the people. Those who practice good hygiene and avoid coming in contact with disease causing micro organism and take preventive measures are less likely to catch disease. Similarly, people who have better financial condition and can afford living and working in a neat and clean environment and have basic facilities for example nutritious and fresh food and good health care (routine check-ups) are also expected not to catch diseases. Happy life style which includes exercising and entertainment and excludes stress and worries make immunity system strong. Without taking these points into consideration and relating condition of immunity system only with social activity is not appropriate.

The argument should also discuss the strong immunity with exposure to different disease causing micro organism such as viruses, bacteria, protozoa etc. A social person has more chances to come in contact with different type of diseases causing micro organism. Social gatherings plays important role in spreading diseases. What are the epidemic diseases? They are nothing but the diseases which spread from people to people. Argument also doesn’t consider the fact that there are many more diseases which are dreadful and contagious as well. Human immune system can not fight them. It doesn’t matter how much strong it is. For example- T.B, Hepatitis B, plague etc.
When a person becomes social he/she has more chances to catch these diseases.

There are many better ways to make immunity system strong than to become merely social. for instance vaccination and following healthy lifestyle. To avoid those diseases whose vaccinations are not available, precaution is must. It is a famous saying “prevention is better than cure.”
There are many other benefits of being social, so one should not stop from being social, precaution should be taken. But to encourage people to become social for making their immunity system strong is derogatory and misleading statement.

[Anglika]

“According to a recent study, people with many social ties report catching colds less often than do people with few social ties. Consequently, researchers conclude that having an active social life probably helps strengthen the immune system. The researchers note that catching a cold — one of a family of highly contagious viruses — gives the cold sufferer temporary immunity to that virus in the future, but not to the many other related viruses. Merely being exposed to a new cold virus, however, is not enough for a person to catch a cold, since a strong immune system can successfully fight off some new viruses. Thus, in order to prevent catching a cold, people should strengthen their immune systems by becoming more active socially.

The argument proves to be a weak one and poorly thought out and constructed. It does not prove the authenticity of the study conducted and also does not indicate how many people and in what age group took part. Without taking these points into consideration it is very unwise to draw conclusions such as “Social life helps in strengthening the immune system". It does not discuss epidemic diseases (contracted by coming in contact with other people) which are more likely spread through social gatherings.

Every individual has a different immune system, depending directly on their lifestyle, health and age group. Healthy people who are young adults have less chances of becoming ill because their immune system is strong as compare to the immune system of old people and children.. Those who are already sick have weak immunity for other diseases too and are more prone to catch these diseases. In any social gathering, the majority are young adults whose immune system is already strong and they therefore have less likelihood of catching diseases. The above argument should compare those young adults who participate in social gatherings and those who not do so. Then it may have found a different result.

The above study should also consider the lifestyle of the people. Those who take preventative measures, practice good hygiene and avoid coming in contact with disease are less likely to infection. Similarly, people who have better financial status and can afford to live and work in a neat and clean environment with access to nutritious fresh food and good health care are also less likely to catch anything. A life style which includes exercising and relaxation, and excludes stress and worries, makes the immune system strong. Without taking these points into consideration, and relating the condition of the immune system only to social activity, the conclusion is not appropriate.

The argument should also discuss how exposure to different disease-causing micro-organisms such as viruses, bacteria, protozoa etc affects immunity. A social person has more chances to come in contact with different types of such micro-organisms. Social gatherings play an important role in spreading diseases. What are the epidemic diseases? They are nothing but those diseases which spread from person to person. The argument also doesn’t consider that there are many more diseases which are highly contagious and that, however strong the immune system is, it cannot protect against them all.

When a person becomes social he/she has more likelihood of contracting these diseases.

There are many better ways to make the immune system strong than to become merely social. For instance vaccination and a healthy lifestyle. To avoid those diseases for which vaccinations are not available, precaution is a must. There is a famous saying: “Prevention is better than cure.”

There are many other benefits to being social, so one should not stop. However, precautions should be taken. But to suggest that as a way of making their immune system strong people must become social is a thoroughly misleading statement.

Hope this helps.

[lapujhanna]

Thanks a lot Angelika.. now I see my essay was full of mistakes.