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  1. school teacher
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    #1

    Question Some editing required

    I have drafted the following letter to be passed to the examination unit of the school. I am a Chinese language teacher but the school management encourages its staff members to write in English. I need help to edit the following letter. Thank you.

    Thank you for your notice of examination. We do hope that this semester, minimum attendance requirements will be strictly adhered to. For example, any pupil whose attendance is very poor, he or she should not be allowed to sit for the examination, otherwise, our examination will defeat the purpose and students will make a mockery of it.

    As you mentioned in your examination notice, the purpose of having the examination is to determine their progress from January to May 2006. Allow me to clarify that we cannot determine but we can only assess their progress if several problems are solved promptly.

    As clearly recorded in my attendance register, there are about 50 pupils who are eligible to sit for the final examination. Those who are not eligible, we must not allow them to be on the examination list.

    As for the forecast of their forthcoming examination results, we do not expect them to be on the brightest side. Be prepared to see shocking and abysmal results.They should know that their failures are well-manifested in their absenteeism.

    In short, I have tried my best to impart the best possible knowledge to them, and it is up to them to take their own initiatives. They cannot expect me to move heaven and earth for them to succeed in their studies.

    Thank you.


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #2

    Re: Some editing required

    For example, any pupil whose attendance is very poor, he or she should not be allowed to sit for the examination, otherwise the purpose of our examination is defeated and students will make a mockery of it.

    It would be better to delete ", he or she" and rephrase the second part

    As you mentioned in your examination notice, the purpose of having the examination is to determine students' progress from January to May 2006.

    Avoids the use of "their" in consecutive sentences

    Those who are not eligible, we must not allow them to be on the examination list.

    I would rephrase this : "We must not allow those who are ineligible to be on the examination list."


    They
    should know that their failures are well-manifested in their absenteeism.

    Replace this "They" with "Students" - otherwise there is a confusion about what they refers to.



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