Results 1 to 2 of 2

    • Join Date: Jan 2007
    • Posts: 1
    #1

    was wondering if this essay is correct

    As I lay in bed this morning I look around and see my swords on top of the television, I can hear my in-laws upstairs walking around. The creaking of the floor sounds like an old rocking chair on the porch, that everyone thinks needs a little lubricant to make it quiet again. The pounding of my father in-laws feet gets so loud and also very distracting. There is a painting on the wall of a stream with an old lumber house next to it. I can hear the spraying of the air freshener right behind me. There is a misting lamp at the other end of the room and a painting of a sad puppy on my wifeís jewelry box. The room is shroud in a vertical striped paneling that is a multitude of colors. Clothes are scattered around the room on the floor, there is a box of medical records lying next to them. Laundry baskets are piled up against the wall, and filled with clothes and bags.
    As I open the curtains dim light from outside fills the room casting a gloomy look to everything. As I open the window a cold breeze blows in and fills the room with a slight chill, and the smell of fireplaces burning to keep the homes warms. I look around the room in disgust at how much junk is on the floor, and how much of a slob my wife is, there is a bag of trash in the corner of the room right by the bed that hasnít been taken out.
    I look up and see the ceiling fan covered in dust and a burned out bulb. There is a candle burning on the dresser across the room, the light just flickers and the smell is great. The smell of the candle fills the room with the wonderful aroma of sugar cookies. Every time I walk into the room it smells like a bakery and takes me back to my childhood. Christmas just over there is still some wrapping paper in the corner and tape on the chair. The room is filled with my wifeís things and they really do add a hint of a womanís touch in here. With her hair ties hold back the drapes, as well as her graduation things lying around on the ledge by the window. On the wall above the bed is our marriage certificate in a picture frame, and one of our wedding pictures. As the morning grows shorter the sounds start the get louder and more frequent. The dimness of the burnt out light is casting a gloomy glow over the room. The sounds in the room echo as the television upstairs increase in volume and decrease in volume. I can hear them echoing throughout the basement and especially loud in our room. As night fall comes the sounds seem to fade away with just a creaking of a floor board and the shutting of a door. After the door shuts complete silence fills the air.

  1. curmudgeon's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Mar 2006
    • Posts: 1,657
    #2

    Re: was wondering if this essay is correct

    Quote Originally Posted by writingtroubles View Post
    As I lay in bed this morning I looked around and saw my swords on top of the television. I can hear my in-laws upstairs walking around. The creaking of the floor sounds like an old rocking chair on the porch that everyone thinks needs a little lubricant to make it quiet again. The pounding of my father in-laws feet gets so loud and very distracting. There is a painting on the wall of a stream with an old lumber house next to it. I can hear the spraying of the air freshener behind me. There is a misting lamp at the other end of the room and a painting of a sad puppy on my wife’s jewelry box. The room is shrouded in vertical striped paneling in a multitude of colors. Clothes are scattered around the the floor, there is a box of medical records lying there . Laundry baskets are piled up against the wall, filled with clothes and bags.
    As I open the curtains, a dim light from outside fills the room, casting a gloomy aspect to everything. As I open the window, a cold breeze blows in and fills the room with a mild chill and the smell of fires burning to keep the neighbouring houses warm . I look around the room in disgust at how much junk is on the floor, and how much of a slob my wife is... there is a bag of trash in the corner of the room, right by the bed, that hasn’t been taken out.
    I look up and see the ceiling fan covered in dust and a burnt out bulb. There is a candle burning on the dresser across the room, the light from it flickers and the smell is great. The scent from this candle fills the room with the wonderful aroma of sugar cookies. Every time I walk into the room I smell the bakery from my childhood. Christmas has gone, but there is still some wrapping paper in the corner and tape on the chair. The room is filled with my wife’s things and I admit they add a hint of a woman’s touch in here. With her hair ties holding back the drapes, as well as her graduation papers lying on the ledge by the window. On the wall above the bed is our framed marriage certificate alongside a wedding picture. As the morning grows old the sounds from outside become louder and more frequent. The dimness of the burnt out light is casting a gloomy shadow over the room. The sounds in the room mimic the television upstairs as it iincreases and decreases in volume. I can hear it echoing throughout the house and it is especially loud in our room. As nightfall comes the sounds seem to fade away, with just the creaking of a floor board or the shutting of a door. After the door shuts, complete silence fills the air.
    good stuff!!

Similar Threads

  1. Help Me Correct My Essay? Please?
    By REP in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-Dec-2006, 08:55
  2. would you check and correct my essay?
    By felixfei in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09-Oct-2006, 07:58
  3. Can you Correct My Essay Please
    By viji in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 23-Sep-2006, 08:32
  4. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 14-Dec-2005, 07:09
  5. Please correct my essay
    By Dany in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 22-Dec-2004, 13:17

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •