Student or Learner
I would be grateful if someone can help me to correct my email
Further to generator test with Mr.XY , ABC’s staff and us dated 9 Feb 2007, It was found that the essential power supply cannot be successfully transferred to ClubHouse, Tower A and Tower B as outgoing main switch of generator was tripped while switched off the normal power circuitry.
Please state the reason why the outgoing main switch was tripped during the test.
"Concerning (instead of 'Further') the generator test . . . "
". . . because (instead of 'as') the outgoing main switch of the generator . . . "
Before a comma, you do not leave a space.
After a comma, you do not need to use a capital letter, unless the next word is a proper noun or a pronoun.