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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Hungarian
      • Home Country:
      • Hungary
      • Current Location:
      • Hungary

    • Join Date: Feb 2007
    • Posts: 19
    #1

    letter sketch

    Dear Teachers,

    Below is a sketch of an e-mail, please correct it.

    Subject: Inquery about job opportunities

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    Me and my fiancée are going to move to Ireland in autumn.

    Some words about us:

    After the high school, she studied psychology and computer network maintenance. She speaks German well, graduated in the Goethe Institute. She worked as babysitter for two years in Dusseldorf. She has a very strong computer skill. She would work in créche or in kindergarden. She's 32.

    My professional is software developer. First time I studied it in a technical school for computers. I graduated in the Budapest Business School at the Computer Department. I have almost 30 years experience in computer technology. I am 47.

    If necessery we can send the translation of the certficates and our CVs.

    Please inform us about the opportunities.

    Yours Faithfully,

    Name
    e-mail address, etc.

  1. Ayuda-Tulong's Avatar

    • Join Date: Jan 2007
    • Posts: 93
    #2

    Re: letter sketch

    Subject: Inquery Inquiry about job opportunities.

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    Me and my fiancée My fiancée and I are going to move to Ireland in the autumn (in American English, it would be in the fall).

    Some words about us:

    After the high school, After high school, she studied psychology and computer network maintenance. She speaks German well, and she graduated in the Goethe Institute graduated from the Goethe Institute. She worked as babysitter for two years in Dusseldorf, and she has a very strong computer skill very strong computer skills. If hired, she would could work in créche or in kindergarden. She's 32 years old.

    My professional profession is software developement, which I studied in a technical computer school. I graduated from the Computer Department at the Budapest Business School. I have almost 30 year's experience in computer technology, and I am 47 years old.

    If necessery necessary, we can send the translation of the certficates and our CVs (you should spell out these words; I don't even know what they mean).

    Please inform us about the opportunities.

    Yours truly,

    Name
    e-mail address, etc.


    • Join Date: Sep 2005
    • Posts: 260
    #3

    Re: letter sketch

    Quote Originally Posted by arabiata View Post
    Dear Teachers,

    Below is a sketch of an e-mail, please correct it.

    Subject: Inquery about job opportunities

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    Me and my fiancée are going to move to Ireland in autumn.

    Some words about us:

    After the high school, she studied psychology and computer network maintenance. She speaks German well, graduated in the Goethe Institute. She worked as babysitter for two years in Dusseldorf. She has a very strong computer skill. She would work in créche or in kindergarden. She's 32.

    My professional is software developer. First time I studied it in a technical school for computers. I graduated in the Budapest Business School at the Computer Department. I have almost 30 years experience in computer technology. I am 47.

    If necessery we can send the translation of the certficates and our CVs.

    Please inform us about the opportunities.

    Yours Faithfully,
    Name
    e-mail address, etc.
    Subject: Inquery about job opportunities *typo! - inquiry*

    Dear Sir or Madam, *if you can find a name, that would be a big improvement*

    Me and my fiancée are going to move to Ireland in autumn.*Autumn - capital A, and 'my fiancee and I'*

    Some words about us:

    After the *delete 'the'*high school, she *who is she - be specific* studied psychology and computer network maintenance. She speaks German well, *'because she' - it is the reason for her good German*graduated in *from* the Goethe Institute. She worked as babysitter for two years in Dusseldorf.*, and - link them together to improve the flow* She has a very strong computer skill *skills - she has more than one!*. She would *'could' for possibility*work in *a*créche or in *change in to a* kindergarden.*typo! - kindergarten) She's 32.*add this to the first reference, after 'high school' - my fiance, who is 32, studied physcology'*

    My professional *profession*is software developer. First time *delete 'time'* I studied it in a technical school for computers.*', then' - if you say first, there has to be a second* I graduated in the Budapest Business School at the *delete 'at the' - it is all one title* Computer Department. I have almost 30 years experience in computer technology. I am 47.

    If necessery *typo! neccessary*we can send the *a-first reference*translation of the certficates and our CVs.*'our certificates and CVs*

    Please inform us about the *replace 'about the' with 'of', and isert 'any'* opportunities.

    Yours Faithfully,

    Name
    e-mail address, etc.


    so...it should look like this:-

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    My fiancée and I are going to move to Ireland in Autumn.

    Some words about us:

    After high school my fiancée, who is 32, studied psychology and computer network maintenance. She speaks German well, because she graduated from the Goethe Institute. She worked as babysitter for two years in Dusseldorf, and has a very strong computer skills. She could work in a crèche or a kindergarten.

    My profession is software development. First I studied it in a technical school for computers, then I graduated from the Budapest Business School Computer Department. I have almost 30 years experience in computer technology. I am 47.
    If necessary we can send a translation of our certificates and CVs.

    Please inform us of any opportunities.

    Yours Faithfully,
    Name
    e-mail address, etc.


    Ayuda-Tulong

    Autumn as the name of a season needs no article. Only Autumn with a small 'a', has an article - sometimes.
    "In Autmun"
    "The autumn leaves"

    Learn about articles here


    In the 'after the high school...' and 'She worked as a babysitter...' sentences there is no need to repeat 'she', because the subject hasn't changed.

    Though it is usually better to expand abbreviations into full form, there is no need to spell out CV. It stands for Curriculum Vitae, and, like 'UN" is common enough to have become acceptable without the full-stops (CV, not C.V.) and is even used in lower case - cv.

    It is a very common phrase, and is listed as 'CV' in dictionaries.
    Last edited by Andrew Whitehead; 13-Mar-2007 at 08:18.

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