1 Try just deleting them. You can get rid of sequncing:
I did a, then I did b.
hadving done a, I did b.
Semi-colons can be used in place of commas and conjunctions.
With the pargraph, there's nothing uch in there for me to visualise. OK, we have man/dog/tail wag/biscuit/wag/TV, but there are no clues in there as to why I should want to follow this and see what's going to happen with them. I know he's a man, but nothing more. I don't mean go crazy on the description, but I would add something there to individualise them.
Student or Learner