Could you possible correct my mistakes in this letter of application and point out words or phrases that are not suitable for formal stile? What grade can I get for this? Thank you very much.
You have just read the advertisement which appears opposite on the noticeboard in your school.
THIS YEAR, the school is offering a travel and study scholarship to all students who have studied at school for three years or more. You will travel to Britain, and study English for three months in Oxford, all expenses paid.
Please apply in writing, saying why you deserve this scholarship, to Nicholas Simms within two weeks.
Dear Mr. Simms,
I am writing to apply for the travel and study scholarship, which was advertised on the noticeboard in my school “The New Horizons”.
I am 16 years old, and I have been studying English for four years. I would like the opportunity to practice my English with native speakers abroad. I am also considering working as a tourist guide when I finish the school, so the journey to the[the article is not required in front of the name of a country] Britain would help me learn more about British people and culture.
I have also been interested in learning English, and last year I was rewarded as the best student at my school. I would also like study in Oxford, because my family cannot afford that.[this is a "non sequitur". Do you perhaps mean to say "as my family..."? ] Due to my parents’ death I am brining up [was brought up] by my aunt.
I can be contacted at the above address, or by telephone on 111 1111. I look forward to your reply.
You might be better to look more carefully at your sequence in this. What is important in the notice - the travel or the three months in Oxford, all expenses paid?
Student or Learner