Results 1 to 8 of 8

    • Join Date: Mar 2007
    • Posts: 4
    #1

    Need a feedback

    Hi everyone, it's my first time to do this and I have been working on my essay writing for many years now and I can't seem to improve it. Could you please check my essay, thanks.


    A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

    Building a factory in a community has some advantages and disadvantages, there will be a great commotion in a town before it will be built and the company may need to ask the permission of the people first before its factory may arise. In this essay I will elaborate the good and bad effects of having a factory and I choose not to have it in my community.

    Having a factory means a lot of jobs will be available to the public, this will benefit families with no stable jobs and don't have other source of income. Teens who are out of school can also apply and save some money so they can go back to school. Another thing that a pro factory would like are the taxes that it can generate, proceeds will help in the beautification of the town and other public projects. While these advantages gives some relief to people, others think that this is a big monster that slowly kills a community. Pollution is the number one negative effects of having a factory, this will cause a lot of problem to the people. Respiratory ailment, cancer, and alteration of a development of a child; these are only few diseases people can get from the smoke or chemicals that the factory emits. Another thing is the possibility of hurting our environment specially the ozone layer which contributes to the change of the weather.

    In my opinion, I won't gonna let a company build a factory in my community because of the dangers it has for our health. You can say a lot of factory are doing their best to lessen the effects of the trash their pitching, but still these can hurt our body from prolonged exposure of that waste. A factory worker is the most vulnerable and he may need to save money while he still working for he might need it in a later life. It still better to live in a place where there is no pollution and free from any disease.

  1. RonBee's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Feb 2003
    • Posts: 16,551
    #2

    Re: Need a feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by jan_david27 View Post
    Building a factory in a community has some advantages and disadvantages, there will be a great commotion in a town before it will be built and the company may need to ask the permission of the people first before its factory may arise. In this essay I will elaborate the good and bad effects of having a factory and I choose not to have it in my community.
    Building a factory in a community has advantages and disadvantages. There will be a great commotion in a town before it will be built, and the company may need to ask the permission of the people before its factory can be built. In this essay I will discuss the good and bad effects of having a factory near a community and explain why I would choose not to have one near my community.
    Questions:
    Advantages and disadvantages for whom? Where and of whom would the business owners need to seek permission? What would be the advantages and disadvantages of not having a factory near the town? On balance, would people be better off if there are more jobs available or would they be worse off?


    • Join Date: Mar 2007
    • Posts: 4
    #3

    Re: Need a feedback

    Thanks for the feedback Ronbee, I will try to revise it and I hope it will be better next time. Thanks again.

  2. RonBee's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Feb 2003
    • Posts: 16,551
    #4

    Re: Need a feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by jan_david27 View Post
    Having a factory means a lot of jobs will be available to the public, this will benefit families with no stable jobs and don't have other source of income.
    Having a factory in the community means a lot of jobs will be available to the public. That will benefit families with no stable jobs and no other sources of income.
    ~R

  3. RonBee's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Feb 2003
    • Posts: 16,551
    #5

    Re: Need a feedback

    P.S.
    You could also say:
    no other source of income (as in the original)
    ~R


    • Join Date: Apr 2007
    • Posts: 1
    #6

    Re: Need a feedback

    Hi
    I am jabed . I read the eassy . I think that you are a very good writer

    I am trying to learning writing because i am planing to take IELTS

    Thanks and best regards

    Jabed


    • Join Date: Mar 2007
    • Posts: 4
    #7

    Re: Need a feedback

    Thanks Jabed, I'm trying to write everyday and post the ones that I know that are best for me. This is a great forum, a lot or English teachers can help you improve your English. Good luck to your exam.


    • Join Date: Mar 2007
    • Posts: 4
    #8

    Re: Need a feedback

    Thanks again Ron bee, I like the way you construct the sentence. It is more concised than the ones that I've used. I'm going to post another essay and hopefully you can help me again. Can you also please try to grade it the same way with the TWE gradings.

Similar Threads

  1. how do you gize feedback??
    By Unregistered in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 05-Dec-2006, 04:36
  2. can someone read and give feedback please!
    By sonu88 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 12-Oct-2006, 03:35
  3. Feedback to students' work
    By jessica ng in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 01-Oct-2006, 11:02
  4. Need some feedback
    By squino in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 25-Jun-2004, 03:01
  5. I hope I get a constructive feedback .
    By Anonymous in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 28-Nov-2003, 23:07

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •