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    #1

    short passage

    Could someone please edit this passage meant for Yr 2 students for me? Thanks in advance.

    Today is Davidís first day at school. He listens attentively to what the teachers teach him.

    When it is recess, David queues up to buy fried noodles, his favourite food. There are many other pupils in the canteen queuing up to buy food from different stalls.

    After David has bought fried noodles, he sits at the bench to enjoy the food.

    After he has eaten, he returns to his classroom to wait for recess to be over.


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    #2

    Re: short passage

    [quote=kohyoongliat;165076]Could someone please edit this passage meant for Yr 2 students for me? Thanks in advance.

    Today is Davidís first day at school. He listens attentively to what the teachers teach him. tell

    When it is recess, David queues up to buy fried noodles, his favourite food. There are many other pupils in the canteen queuing up to buy food from different stalls.

    After David has bought fried noodles, he sits at the bench to enjoy the food.

    After he has eaten, he returns to his classroom to wait for recess to be over. When /quote]
    ..

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    #3

    Re: short passage

    [quote=Anglika;165080]
    Quote Originally Posted by kohyoongliat View Post
    Could someone
    Today is Davidís first day at school. He listens attentively to what the teachers teach him. tell

    After he has eaten, he returns to his classroom to wait for recess to be over. When /quote]
    ..
    When - Does it mean that I've to state the time the recess ends?

    Thanks in advance.



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    #4

    Re: short passage

    "When he has eaten...." - avoid the repetition of "when" in adjacent sentences. Since you have already used "When" to start a sentence in the previous paragraph, you could use "Once he has eaten..."

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    #5

    Re: short passage

    Hi Anglika

    Thanks. I've got your point.

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