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    #1

    editing of passage

    This passage is for Year 2 students. Please edit it for me. Suggestions to improve the passage are welcome. Thanks in advance.


    Once there was a greedy but clever mouse. Whenever he was hungry, he would go to people’s houses to look for food.

    One day, he went to a house. He saw a plate containing milk in front of a cat who appeared to be sleeping soundly.

    The mouse thought, “I shall drink the milk before the cat wakes up.”

    As he was drinking the milk, the cat suddenly caught him with her right paw. The mouse was frightened but calm. He told the cat, “You must clean your paws first.”

    The puzzled cat asked, “Why?”

    The mouse replied, “I will taste more delicious if your paws are clean.”

    The moment the cat let go of the mouse, he ran away. He told himself, “I am lucky to escape from the cat because she is silly.”

    The cat thought, “I will never trust any mouse from now on.”


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
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    #2

    Re: editing of passage

    Looks fine (though perhaps you should have the cat saying that it is going to eat the mouse, otherwise why does the mouse suggest that cat clean its paws?)

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    #3

    Re: editing of passage

    Thanks, Anglika.

    I've something to ask you.

    The mouse was frightened but calm.

    One of my friends has told me that the mouse couldn't have been frightened, yet calm. It sounded all right to me, but when he questioned, I started to doubt.

    Could you please let me know whether the phrase is in order?

    Thanks in advance.


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
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    #4

    Re: editing of passage

    Of course you can be frightened but calm

    In fact, if you are frightened, it is much better to be calm!

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    #5

    Re: editing of passage

    Thanks, Anglika. Somebody told me that when a person is frightened, he cannot be calm. So I'm right and he is wrong.

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