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    • Join Date: Jul 2006
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    #1

    two subordinate conjunction

    Hello

    Since I find creativity one of the nicest and most important aspects of human life, if I could travel to the past I would choose a period remarkable for its important artistic production, like the beginning of the 20th century in Paris, which is one of those periods in history I know better.

    Is this sentence bleeding?
    I am not sure aspect is the mot juste in this sentence.

    I would like to invite your advice.

    Thanks


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    #2

    Re: two subordinate conjunction

    Bleeding? Shall we call the verbal surgeon?
    If you mean it is too long, yes, I think so.
    Aspect is fine to me.
    Last edited by Francois; 24-Apr-2007 at 10:53.

  1. Noego's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: two subordinate conjunction

    Here's my take on it.

    a. Don't forget: "two subordinate conjunctions"
    b. I agree, it's too long. Reading is meant to convey ideas and thoughts. If the form is hurting your content, change the form.
    c. "I would like to invite your advice."
    You can't "invite" advice. You could say:
    "I would like to ask for your advice." or "Any advice would be appreciated."
    *About "mot juste", I was about to say that this was a French expression but after googling it I realized it was also an expression in English. I just learned something new!
    d. Is the sentence "bleeding"? Is that a literal translation from your original language? I'm not too sure about what you mean here. Could you explain it?

    How about you try you to rewrite your perhaps too long sentence in a few concise ones and post the results!

    Bonne chance! (I'm assuming French is your mother tongue... comme moi!)


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    #4

    Re: two subordinate conjunction

    Quote Originally Posted by svartnik View Post
    Hello

    Since I find creativity one of the nicest and most important aspects of human life, if I could travel to the past I would choose a period remarkable for its important artistic production, like the beginning of the 20th century in Paris, which is one of those periods in history I know better.

    Is this sentence bleeding?
    I am not sure aspect is the mot juste in this sentence.

    I would like to invite your advice.

    Thanks
    This is actually sans an independent clause. Since I...., if I could.... I would choose the ... Right now, you have made it another subordinate clause.

    I do think it got too long by tacking on the "which is one of..." If you do wish to say it, try "one of the periods that I am most familiar with."

    I think aspects is okay, too, but if you feel it's not the right choice, you can also say elements.


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    #5

    Re: two subordinate conjunction

    Quote Originally Posted by Noego View Post
    Here's my take on it.

    a. Don't forget: "two subordinate conjunctions"
    b. I agree, it's too long. Reading is meant to convey ideas and thoughts. If the form is hurting your content, change the form.
    c. "I would like to invite your advice."
    You can't "invite" advice. You could say:
    "I would like to ask for your advice." or "Any advice would be appreciated."
    *About "mot juste", I was about to say that this was a French expression but after googling it I realized it was also an expression in English. I just learned something new!
    d. Is the sentence "bleeding"? Is that a literal translation from your original language? I'm not too sure about what you mean here. Could you explain it?

    How about you try you to rewrite your perhaps too long sentence in a few concise ones and post the results!

    Bonne chance! (I'm assuming French is your mother tongue... comme moi!)

    Hello

    "invite * advice - Google keresés
    mot juste - Definitions from Dictionary.com

    Bleeding from many wounds is a metaphore

    "Bonne chance! (I'm assuming French is your mother tongue... comme moi!)"

    Well, assumptions are the mother of all fu.k ups

    And another wrong assumption, the sentence comes from a student who is not me.

    Thanks for your advice


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    #6

    Re: two subordinate conjunction

    Quote Originally Posted by Barb_D View Post
    This is actually sans an independent clause. Since I...., if I could.... I would choose the ... Right now, you have made it another subordinate clause.

    I do think it got too long by tacking on the "which is one of..." If you do wish to say it, try "one of the periods that I am most familiar with."

    I think aspects is okay, too, but if you feel it's not the right choice, you can also say elements.
    Thanks, GG


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    #7

    Re: two subordinate conjunction

    How about this:

    The vast potentials of human mind for creativity very much intrigues me.
    Therefore, given the chance, I would go back to the beginning of the 20th century, a period of active artistic output in history I am most familiar with.

  3. Noego's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: two subordinate conjunction

    Well, assumptions are the mother of all fu.k ups
    Probably as much as making no assumptions at all.

    Yes, you're right, mot juste is appropriate.

    You're also right about inviting advice. I doubt it's the most common form of asking for advice however.

    I stand corrected and have now learned two new things thanks to you.

    I still think "bleeding from many wounds" is an appropriate metaphor here. Do you have other examples where using that metaphor would be appropriate?

    How does a sentence which is too long bleeds, metaphorically speaking?

    Enlighten me. I would be very interested in reading more about that.

    All the best.

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    #9

    Re: two subordinate conjunction

    Quote Originally Posted by svartnik View Post
    How about this:

    The vast potentials of human mind for creativity very much intrigues me.
    Therefore, given the chance, I would go back to the beginning of the 20th century, a period of active artistic output in history I am most familiar with.
    As for your new sentence, I would say:

    "The vast potential of the Human mind for creativity very much intrigues me. Therefore, given the chance, I would go back to the beginning of the 20th Century; a period of active artistic output with which I am the most familiar."

    Hope this helps.

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