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    • Join Date: Apr 2007
    • Posts: 5

    I need sb to check my letter :) please:)

    Could I ask somebody to check my letter, please? :) I need help!!! The topic is: Las night a very unusual event happened.Write a statement descibing what you saw. And the Assignment type is: Witness Statement.

    Last night, I couldn’t sleep and decided to go for a walk along Green Road about 12.00 p.m. The night was pretty quiet, however, it was dreadfully because I didn’t even see people around The street lamps was turned on, so there was no problem to notice somebody. I didn’t really pay attention to the cars standing on the curb. There was nothing terribly in it. However, maybe I should have, because the cars were big, black with dimmed windows.
    When I passed them by, I heard strange voices and steps. I quietly turned over and saw five men checking something in a jewellery shop. I was scared stiff however, I decided to get closer and see what is going on. I was hidden in a bush, next to the event. I spotted a man holding a gun and others looking around for something. I couldn’t see them very well, because of the dark, but they had black masks on theirs faces. Even I had problem with breathing properly, because of the fear. Suddenly, I realised that one man is missing..
    Unfortunately, the story came to the end. I lost my consciousness and woke up after the burglary by night. I had to faint because of the explosion they did.
    The next day I went to police to give an account of the burglary. The police asked me many questions, however, I wasn’t able to answer yet.
    Last edited by zaaneetka; 29-Apr-2007 at 14:59.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Laos

    • Join Date: Nov 2002
    • Posts: 59,324

    Re: I need sb to check my letter :) please:)

    The night was pretty quiet, however, it- either put a full-stop or a semi-colon before 'however'
    around The street- punctuation
    nothing terribly in it- unclear meaning and it shouldn't be an adverb
    scared stiff however,- repeat mistake with 'however'
    I was hidden- I hid
    to the event- scene
    Even I had- I even had
    realised that one man is missing..- tense and use three dots
    the story came to the end- did it? How about 'that was all I remember'
    by night- preposition
    I had to faint- I had fainted
    explosion they did- delete 'they did'

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