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    • Join Date: Feb 2007
    • Posts: 58
    #1

    Question Allie

    Sleep had not come easily and the dark hours were long and lonely. This beautiful room had of late, become a room of refuge Morning light had entered through small spaces around the wooden blinds. I rose to go in the bathroom and tripped over the glorious quilt, I had earlier folded neatly at the bottom of the bed. The matching top-sheet sprawled near it and revealed a hectic night by its crumpled, almost tangled look.
    Tired and vague eyes reflected in the bathroom mirror. A bit of make-up would help, but no, I was too tired. It didn’t matter. This numbness of my soul, already with me at the beginning of the day, did bother me. Well actually, what day? I didn’t want any part of ‘another day’. The whirlwind bed would hold me nicely for this day and many more, here in this room, by myself. I couldn’t seem to get enough rest lately. That was all I wanted – rest. I lay down slowly, pulled up the rumpled top sheet and sunk deep into the pillow and closed my eyes. I slept sound.


    • Join Date: Oct 2006
    • Posts: 19,434
    #2

    Re: Allie

    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    Sleep had not come easily and the dark hours were long and lonely. This beautiful room had of late, become a room of refuge Morning light had entered through small spaces around the wooden blinds. I rose to go in the bathroom and tripped over the glorious quilt, I had earlier folded neatly at the bottom of the bed. The matching top-sheet sprawled near it and revealed a hectic night by its crumpled, almost tangled look.
    Tired and vague eyes reflected in the bathroom mirror. A bit of make-up would help, but no, I was too tired. It didn’t matter. This numbness of my soul, already with me at the beginning of the day, did bother me. Well actually, what day? I didn’t want any part of ‘another day’. The whirlwind bed would hold me nicely for this day and many more, here in this room, by myself. I couldn’t seem to get enough rest lately. That was all I wanted – rest. I lay down slowly, pulled up the rumpled top sheet and sunk deep into the pillow and closed my eyes. I slept sound.
    It's come along very nicely! The sentence about the sheet is excellent.

    You are still misusing punctuation. If you read aloud the sentences I have highlighted in red, do you really need a pause where you have put a comma? That is what a comma represents.

  1. RonBee's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Allie

    Quote Originally Posted by Allie View Post
    Sleep had not come easily and the dark hours were long and lonely. This beautiful room had of late, become a room of refuge Morning light had entered through small spaces around the wooden blinds. I rose to go in the bathroom and tripped over the glorious quilt, I had earlier folded neatly at the bottom of the bed. The matching top-sheet sprawled near it and revealed a hectic night by its crumpled, almost tangled look.
    Tired and vague eyes reflected in the bathroom mirror. A bit of make-up would help, but no, I was too tired. It didn’t matter. This numbness of my soul, already with me at the beginning of the day, did bother me. Well actually, what day? I didn’t want any part of ‘another day’. The whirlwind bed would hold me nicely for this day and many more, here in this room, by myself. I couldn’t seem to get enough rest lately. That was all I wanted – rest. I lay down slowly, pulled up the rumpled top sheet and sunk deep into the pillow and closed my eyes. I slept sound.
    Sleep had not come easily and the dark hours were long and lonely. This beautiful room had, of late, become a room of refuge. Morning light had entered through small spaces around the wooden blinds. I rose to go to the bathroom and tripped over the glorious quilt I had earlier folded neatly at the bottom of the bed. The matching top-sheet sprawled near it and revealed a hectic night by its crumpled, almost tangled look. Tired and vague eyes reflected back from the bathroom mirror. A bit of make-up would help, but no, I was too tired. It didn’t matter. This numbness of my soul, already with me at the beginning of the day, did bother me. Well actually, what day? I didn’t want any part of ‘another day’. The whirlwind bed would hold me nicely for this day and many more, here in this room, by myself. I couldn’t seem to get enough rest lately. That was all I wanted – rest. I lay down slowly, pulled up the rumpled top sheet and sank deep into the pillow and closed my eyes. I slept soundly.


    • Join Date: Feb 2007
    • Posts: 58
    #4

    Re: Allie

    Thank you Anglika. You can see what your few words told me. Thanks for all the other times I have needed you. Allie

  2. RonBee's Avatar
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      • Current Location:
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    #5

    Re: Allie

    A suggestion
    Better:
    Thanks for all the other times you have helped me.
    ~R


    • Join Date: Feb 2007
    • Posts: 58
    #6

    Question Re: Allie

    "Better" accepted.

    Thanks for all the other times you have helped me Ron.

    A.

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