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    #1

    editing of passage

    Could someone please go through this passage and edit it for me, especially in regard to the words in bold? Thanks in advance.

    It was 1 April last year. A mischievous student decided to play an April Fool's joke on the form teacher, Mr Tan. He replaced Mr Tan's chair with a wobbly one. When he sat on it, the chair gave way and he fell to the floor heavily and was unable to get up.

    He was taken to hospital and an X-ray showed that his spine had broken.

    The students were very sad when they learned later that Mr Tan has become paralysed, and has to move around in a wheelchair. Some of us cried on hearing the news because Mr Tan will not be able to teach us any more. What saddened us even more was that he was our favourite teacher.


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    #2

    Re: editing of passage

    Quote Originally Posted by kohyoongliat View Post
    Could someone please go through this passage and edit it for me, especially in regard to the words in bold? Thanks in advance.

    It was 1 April last year. A mischievous student decided to play an April Fool's joke on the form teacher, Mr Tan. He replaced Mr Tan's chair with a wobbly one. When he [You need to make sure which "he" is concerned] sat on it, the chair gave way and he fell to the floor heavily and was unable to get up.

    He was taken to hospital and an X-ray showed that his spine had broken.

    The students were very sad when they learned later that Mr Tan has become paralysed, and has to move around in a wheelchair. Some of us cried on hearing the news because Mr Tan will not be able to teach us any more. What saddened us even more was that he was our favourite teacher.
    Otherwise I think it is fine.

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    #3

    Re: editing of passage

    Thanks, Anglika

    It was 1 April last year. A mischievous student decided to play an April Fool's joke on the form teacher, Mr Tan. He replaced Mr Tan's chair with a wobbly one. When he [You need to make sure which "he" is concerned] sat on it, the chair gave way and he fell to the floor heavily and was unable to get up.

    When Mr Tan sat on it ... (It would be better if I wrote 'Mr Tan' instead of 'he'. Am I correct?)

    Thanks again.

    Best wishes


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    #4

    Re: editing of passage

    Yes

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    #5

    Re: editing of passage

    Quote Originally Posted by Anglika View Post
    Yes
    Many thanks, Anglika.

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